A Lonely Frog

A Lonely Frog

A lonely little frog is fed up being alone so he phones the Psychic Hotline and asks what his future holds.

His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him:
"You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled to hear this great news,
"This is great!"
Says the frog,
"Will I meet her at a party?"
He croaks.

"No..."
Says the psychic,
"... in biology class"

Ants wants a place to stay

🐜An ant knocked on the door of a house.

The house owner opened the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free of cost," said the owner.

The ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant 🐜and requested the
owner, "Can you please allow this ant to stay with me?"

"Oh sure, you can do so without paying any rent," said the owner.

After some days the ant brought a 3rd 🐜ant and requested the owner
to allow it to stay with them.

The owner agreed to it without asking for any rent.

This went on as the 🐜ant brought in more and more ants and the owner agreed to let them stay without any rent.

One fine day, the ant brought in the *10th* ant 🐜and requested the owner
to allow it to stay with them all.

The owner said,
"OK, you can all stay here but now you all need to pay rent."

*Now the question is:*

Why did the owner ask for rent when the 10th ant came in?
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Because they were now *tenants!*
🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜

PS: I am also looking for the guy who sent me this!

A Tiger was getting married

A tiger was getting married and all animals attended the wedding . Every animal stood at distance and wished the tiger

A cat came and climbed to the stage and danced nicely then extended his hand to wish the tiger.

The tiger roared in rage and said how dare you come on the stage? Even the panther is maintaining its distance and you climbed the stage.

The cat replied and after listening to that the tiger fainted. What would have the cat said ???

Any guess???

The cat said "Oh shut up buddy, even I was a tiger before marriage"

😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝

Forward the msg to married people to get some smile on their face

Slipping Lion

Santa came back from a safari in Africa. Upon arrival, he went to his friend Banta, and told him of his adventures.

“I was out in the jungle,” he said, “when all of a sudden I heard a noise in the bush behind me. Looking back, I saw a huge lion, licking his chops, and smiling at me. The lion started coming my way and I started running, with the lion not far behind. When the lion was almost at my neck, he suddenly slipped, and I got ahead a bit.

“The lion started gaining on me, and as he got closer, once again he slipped. I happened to see a house not far away, and made towards it.

As I got close to the house, the lion was almost on top of me, when he slipped for a third time. With the very last bit of strength, I ran into the house and closed the door in the lion’s face.”

“Wow! That’s some sorry,” said Banta. “If I’d been in that situation, I would have shit my pants.”

“Well, WHAT DO YOU THINK THE LION KEPT SLIPPING ON…???”

Two lions escape from a zoo.

Two lions escape from a zoo.
One of the lions had been captured from the jungle, so he runs back to the jungle.
The other was born in the zoo itself - so is basically a city-slicker. He vanishes into the city.
Three days later the jungle-lion is recaptured - and returned to the zoo.
A month passes, then two, three.....
but city-lion is not traceable!
Finally, after six months later the city-lion is also recaptured and brought back to the zoo.
Jungle-lion is amazed to see his friend.
Jungle-lion: For God's sake, how were you able to evade these guys for 6 whole months?!
City-lion: Kuchh nahi yaar!
I just went to a government office and hid behind a huge pile of dusty files that they have there.
Jungle-lion: But what did you eat there?
City-lion: Arrey, there was an unlimited supply of govt servants.
Whenever I ate one, they hired five more.
Nobody did any work anyway, so nobody missed the ones I ate.
Jungle-lion: Wow! But, then how did you get caught?
City-lion: Galti kar gaya yaar...
One day I ate the chai-walla.
The whole office stopped working.
They launched a massive hunt for the Chaiwala.
And I got caught!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

A Woman brought a Dead Cat to Dr. Santa

This is classic!!!

A woman brought a very limp duck in to Dr.Santa,
a veterinary surgeon.
As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope
and listened to the duck’s
chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head
sadly and said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has
passed away.”

The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead,”
replied Dr.Santa.

“How can you be so sure?” she protested.
“I mean you haven’t done any testing
on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left
the room.

He returned a few minutes later with a Labrador.
As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement,
the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the
examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.
He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and
shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it
out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat.
The cat jumped on the table and also delicately
sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its
haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of
the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said,
“I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely,
100% certifiably, a dead duck.”

Dr.Santa turned to his computer terminal, hit a
few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the
bill. “$150!” she cried, “$150 just to tell
me my duck is dead!”

The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it,
the bill would have been $10, but with the Lab Report and the
Cat Scan, it’s now $150.”
😝😀😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Chicken Vocabulary

Some interesting Chicken vocabulary...
1. Who is the father of chicken?
Chicken ka bab.
2. Who is the mother of chicken?
Chicken Kima.
3. How do you tell a chicken to call you on your mobile?
Kalmi kabab.
4. What happens when a chicken takes bath?
Chicken showerma.
5. Chicken in trouble?
Chicken soup.
6. Chicken getting injection?
Chicken teeka.
7. Chicken doing flattery?
Butter chicken.
8. Chicken 5 years after retirement?
Chicken 65.
9. Sweaterless chicken on a winter night?
Chilly chicken.😜😂😂

The Atheist

A photographer, who was also a confirmed athiest, decided to go into the woods to get photos of the fall foliage.

It was a beautiful day....fall colors, birds chirping, babbling brook, and a gentle breeze rustling the leaves.

While snapping shots, the athiest heard a noise behind him, and whirled around to see a huge bear coming through the bushes. He dropped his camera and ran. And kept running....... and looking behind him, he noticed the bear was gaining on him. He was so scared that tears came to his eyes. He ran faster, but the bear was closing in on him. He ran faster yet, and tripped over a root. Rolling over onto his back, the athiest saw the bear rise to his full height and raise a huge paw...... and the athiest cried out, "Oh, God, no!"

And everything stopped. The birds stopped chirping. The brook stopped babbling. The gentle breeze stopped. And the bear froze with his paw in the air. And the athiest heard a booming voice say, "Young man. For years you doubted my very existance, but now that your life is in peril you call my name to help you. Why should I do so?"

And the athiest thought for a moment, and said, "Yes, you are right. If you are God, then it would be hypocritical of me to become a Christian at this point in my life. But, do you think that you could at least make the bear a Christian for today?" And the booming voice was quiet for a moment and then said, "Done."

And everything started again. The birds chirping, brook babbling, and gentle breeze rustling the leaves. And the bear slowly lowered his paw.

And the bear put his paws together, and bowed his massive head and said, "Dear Lord, please bless this food we are about to eat."

The Horse and a Goat

There was a farmer who had a horse and a goat…..
One day, the horse became ill and he called the veterinarian, who said: Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him down.
Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation.
The next day, they gave him the medicine and left.
The goat approached the horse and said: - Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!
On the second day, they gave him the medicine and left.
The goat came back and said: - Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up.
Let's go! One, two, three...
On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the vet said:- Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.
After they left, the goat approached the horse and said: Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three... Good, good. Now faster, come on...... Fantastic! Run, run more!
Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!
All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the field and began shouting: It's a miracle! My horse is cured. We must have a grand party. Let's Cook the goat!!!! 
Lesson:
Management never knows which employee actually deserves the appraisal. 
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Wonderful story and what a powerful message