You can't beat Indians !

You can't beat Indians !

An Indian Doctor couldn't find a job in a Hospital in US so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside
"GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100"

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic...

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste"
Indian: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth"
Lawyer: "Ugh..this is kerosene"
Indian: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20"
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money...
Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything"
Indian: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth"
Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste"
Indian: "Congrats, You got your memory back. Give me $20"
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all "
Indian : "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100"
Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100"
Indian : "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"

You can't beat Indians!!

Indian Private Hospital

Indian Private Hospital

An Indian left his job and joined Salesman's job in a big Department stores in Canada.
Boss :- Do you have any experience?
Indian : Yes a little too much...
On the first day, that Indian worked with full mind.
At 6 pm, the Boss :- How many sales did you sell on the first day today?
Indian : Sir I sold 1.
Boss : Only 1 sale?Usually every Salesman working here does 20 to 30 sales daily. Well, tell me how much money did you sell?
Indian : $93300 Dollars.
Boss : What?But how did you do it?
Indian : One person came, I sold him a small Fishing Hook.
Then a Mazola and then finally sold a Big Hook. Then I sold him 1 big Fishing Rods and some fishing gear. told him to fish at coastal areas,it would need a Boat. So I took him down to the Boat Department and sold him a 20 ft Scooner Boat.
Boss:vYou sold all this to the Man who came to buy only One Fish Hook?
Indian : NO, He only came to take one Tablet for the Headache.I explained to him that Fishing is the best way to get rid of Headaches.
Boss:Where you work before
Indian : I was a wardboy in a Private Hospital : On a minor complaint of panic, we get the Patients tested for Pathology, ECO, ECG, TMT, CT Scan, X-ray, MRI, COVID-19 etc.
Boss : You sit on my Chair. I am going to join a Private Hospital for training in India.

A Plane makes an emergency landing

A plane made an emergency landing on water.
Air hostess asked the passengers to slide down to the lifeboats, but the passengers refused.
Air hostess then asked the captain to help.
The captain being very knowledgeable and experienced, guided her -
#. “You tell the Americans this is an ADVENTURE .
#. Tell the British this is an HONOUR .
#. Tell the French this is a ROMANTIC activity,
and
#. tell the Germans this is the LAW .
#. Tell the Japanese this is an ORDER , and everyone will be sorted out.”
#. Can i convince the Pakistanis
Yes dear, just whisper, " This is a suicide mission ."
“And what about the Singaporeans?”, she persisted.
The captain, taking a deep breath, patiently explained - “You need not tell the Singaporeans anything, my dear. Once they see a QUEUE , they will join it without questions.”
Air hostess remembered the flight had some passengers from #. India. “What about them”, she asked.
The captain laughed.
“Easy. Just tell the Indians this activity is FREE .”
😜😜😱😱🤣🤣🤣

A Japanese tourist hailed a taxi in downtown Delhi

A Japanese tourist hailed a taxi in downtown Delhi and asked to be taken to the Indira Gandhi airport.

On the way, a car zoomed by and the tourist responded, 'Oh! Toyota - Made in Japan! Very fast!'Funny Indian Taxi Joke

Not too long afterward, another car flew by the taxi. 'Oh! Nissan - Made in Japan! Very fast!'  Then yet another car zipped by, and the tourist said, 'Oh! Mitsubishi - Made in Japan! Very fast!'

The taxi driver, who was 100% Indian, was starting to get a little annoyed that the Japanese made cars were passing his taxi, when yet another car passed the taxi as they were turning into the airport. 'Oh! Honda - Made in Japan! Very fast!'

The taxi driver stopped the car, pointed to the meter, and said, 'That'll be Rupees 500.'
'Rupees 500? It was short ride! Why so much?'

The Taxi driver smiled as he replied, 'Meter - Made in India. Very fast.'

How long do you use your toothbrush ?

A Dentist was conducting a survey-
*"How long do you use your Toothbrush...?"*

Chinese:
"3 months...!"

American:
"1 month...!!"

Indian:
"There is no fixed time limit doctor, may be years...!!! Initially we use it for *brushing* our teeth; then we use it for *dying our hair, cleaning comb, cleaning ornaments, cleaning machine parts of our vehicles, cleaning the dirt in between two tiles in bathroom etc etc*. Then when there are no bristles left on the brush, we do not throw it doctor. we start  using it for *pushing 'Naada' in our Chaddis, Pajamas & Petticoats...!!!"*

Dentist fainted.
🤪😂

Do you really need Psychiatrists ?

Classic one
😀😀😀

Ever since Robert was a child, he had a fear of someone under his bed at night.

So he went to a Psychiatrist and told him "I've got problems.
Every time I go to bed
I think there's somebody under it.
I'm scared.
I think I'm going crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year", said the psychiatrist.

"Come, talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge?"

'$200 per visit,' replied
the doctor.

'I'll think of it and if needed I will come back to you,'
Robert said.

Six months later he met the Psychiatrist on the street.

'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, $200 a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money!

A Indian friend of mine cured me for the price of one plate biryani and a bottle of coke.

I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought myself a new SUV".

'Is that so!' with a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did the friend cure you?'

He told me to
"Sell the bed and sleep on a Mattress on the floor."

Moral:

TO HELL WITH THOSE PSYCHIATRISTS..
GO TALK TO YOUR friend.

There is always an INDIAN way to solve a difficult problem...
😜😀

Kanpur family on holidays in Australia

Australia is an expensive country but the civic services are of the best standards.
Must read this👇👇👇

Last month during Christmas a family from #Kanpur, was on holidays in Australia.
Apart from his wife and two children, this man from Kanpur was also accompanied by his old age father.

They were traveling on one of the free ways.

This Indian Family was in their car and was followed by a Local Aussie Lady, driving at a safe distance.

Suddenly the Aussie Lady saw a head of an old man coming out of the window and vomiting blood.
She took a quick action and informed the 000 for help.

In no time, there appeared an Air Ambulance Helicopter.

The well trained staff quickly shifted that old man on the stretcher. Oxygen supply started. Doctors started examining him. Sometime later, the old man was declared safe and fit to travel again.
Kudos to Quick Help and Well Done The Aussie Lady.

But these services, our Kanpur man had to pay AUD 3500.

With these unplanned heavy financial charges, the Kanpur man was in shock and he blasted on his Old Aged Father :

"Gutkha kha kar khidki ke bahar pichkari maarne ki kya zarurat thi.?"
🤣😳😜

In heaven she sees a large Wall full of Clocks

A woman dies. In heaven she sees a large Wall full of Clocks.

She asks angel: What are these for?

Angel answers: These are Lie Clocks, every person has a lie clock! Whenever you lie on earth, clock moves.

The woman points towards a clock and asks: Whose clock is this? ...

Angel says: Its Mother Teresa's. It never moved, showing that she never told lie.

The woman asks: Where are the clocks of our Indian men?

The angel replies: Those are in our office, We use them as 'OFFICE FANS'

She then asked, what of the Indian women?

The angel replied, 'those are out there generating electricity!'
😱😱😂😂

CEO of Audi while justifying its high cost

CEO of Audi while justifying its high cost:
We have 12 airbags,
safety controls,
safety censors,
safety parking assistance, safe.

Indian :
U don't worry about safety.
We have Sai Baba and Ganpati bapa on the dashboard,
hanuman ji on rear view mirror,
Nimbu Mirch on bumper and
Maata ji ki Lal Chunri around steering..
.
Tu Sirf Bhaav kam kar
😜😝😝😅😂

English and Hindi always Contradict.

English and Hindi always Contradict.

English : The sooner the better.
Hindi : Jaldi ka kaam shaitaan ka hota hai.

English : Think of the devil, and the devil is here.
Hindi : Badi lambi umar hai tumhari, abhi tumhe hi yaad kar rahe the.

English : Don't wait, fight for your rights.
Hindi : Sabra ka fal meetha hota hai.

English : You silly cow!
Hindi : Bichari gaaye jaise hai.

and the most striking of all,

English : As wise as an owl.
Hindi : Ullu ka pattha. 😂😂😂🙏🙏🙏

पक्का भारतीय होने के लक्षण - Sure signs of being Indian

पक्का भारतीय होने के लक्षण :-

1. होटल में खाने के बाद मुट्ठी भर सौंफ खाना।
2. हवाई यात्रा के बाद बैग से टैग नहीं उतारना।
3. सब्जी लेने के बाद मुफ़्त धनिये की मांग करना।
4. दीवाली पर मिले गिफ्ट को रिश्तेदार को सरका देना।
5. छह साल के बच्चे को 3 साल का बता कर आधा टिकट लेना।
6. रिमोट से लेकर मोबाइल तक का पीठ ठोंक कर चलाना।
7. शादी के कार्ड से गणेश जी उतारकर फ्रिज पर चिपकाना।
8. मोलभाव करते वक्त पिछली दुकान का हवाला देना।
9. गोलगप्पे खाने के बाद मुफ़्त में सुखी पापड़ी की जिद करना।
10. नई कार लेने के बाद छह महीने तक सीट की पन्नी नहीं उतारना।

Americans make a car

Americans make a car and to get some touch ups..
They send it to Japan and they add a faster engine...
Then Japan sent it to UK,
Who then added tinted windows
Who then sent the car to China.
They added a better interior.
Then they sent it to India.
India look at the car and see
What a good job all of them have done.
and then they tie the nimbu mirchi on the car...
and put a stamp made in India.
😂😂😂😂😂

Some Things Will never Change

Some things will never change 😝😂...

Son : Mom i wanna marry Arun
Mom : that's not possible
Son : but mom! Same sex marriages are legal now
Mom : but he's not of our caste.

One Liners about India

If you want to know how divided we are, just look at matrimonial page of our newspaper!

India is running the software of tomorrow on the hardware of yesterday.

If the mobile gets spoiled blame the child, if child gets spoiled blame the mobile.

If someone asks for dirty cloth to clean something you are in India.

The only country where people fight to be termed 'Backward'.

In India, you don't cast your vote, you vote your caste.

An incredible country where actors are playing cricket, cricketers are playing politics, politicians are watching porn and porn stars are becoming actors!- vicious circle indeed.

Sarcasm is like electricity, half of India doesn't get it.

And where liking a Facebook post and sending messages on WhatsApp gets you arrested, while raping does not.

MY MAID'S CHOICE

MY MAID'S CHOICE
If I don't come on time
My choice!
If I take too many offs
My choice!
If I don't sweep under the bed
My choice!
If I use the same dirty water to mop all the rooms
My choice!
If I threaten to leave the job
My choice!
I can do al this coz I know you have
No choice!😳😱😰😓😩

Some Hindi Jokes

रेसिपी: 🍵

एक कटोरा लो,
उसमें कुछ अंगूर लो,
अब एक अंगूर मुँह में डालो,
अब आइना देखो,
डिश तैयार।
डिश का नाम:
लंगूर के मुँह में अंगूर।
😜😜😜😜
एक मच्छर परेशान बैठा था। दूसरे ने पूछा,"क्या हुआ ?" पहला बोला, "यार गजब हो रहा है ; चूहेदानी में चूहा;
साबुनदानी में साबुन;
मगर मच्छरदानी में आदमी सो रहा है।"
😝😇😊😃😜
एक डॉक्टर का सवाल- टूथ ब्रश कितने समय बाद रिटायर किया जाता है।
चाइनीज- एक हफ्ता
ब्रिटिश- एक महीना
अमेरीकन- तीन महीने
भारतीय- इंडिया में तो टूथ ब्रश कभी भी रिटायर नहीं होता।
डॉक्टर – वो कैसे?
भारतीय- इंडिया में टूथ ब्रश सब से पहले दांत साफ करने के काम आता है, फिर हेयर कलर करने के काम आता है, उसके बाद मशीन की सफाई के काम आता है और जब उसक
बाल गिर जाते है तो पाजामें में नाड़ा डालने के काम आता है।
😀😀😀
🌹 पेशेंट: डाक्टर साहब सुबहा उठ कर साँस लेने में तकलीफ होती है।
डाक्टर: कितने बजे उठते हो?
पेशेंट: ठीक आठ बजे।
डाक्टर: जल्दी उठा करो ...रामदेव के लोग सुबह छ: बजे उठकर सारी औक्सीजन खीच लेते हैं।
😁😝😝😄😄
BEST HINDI JOKE EVR
एक पागल भैंस के ऊपर बैठकर घूम रहा था।
दूसरा पागल बोला: तुझे पुलिस पकड़ेगी।
पहला पागल: क्यों?
दूसरा पागल: अबे हेल्मेट नहीं पहना।
पहला पागल: अबे नीचे देख, four व्हीलर है।
🐃

Alcohol always a part of our culture

Alcohol was always a part of our culture; considered as the basic necessity. That's why the expressions:
Ghar-BAR
Khana-PEENA
&
Dawaa-DAARU
😉😋😀 🍻🍻🍻🍻

Do not mess with Indians

I bet  u can't control a hearty laugh!!😀
An Indian goes to Walmart in the U.S.
He finds cat food at special prices.
He picks a dozen cans of cat food & goes to check out.
The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy might not have a cat & will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks the Indian to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food.
The Indian goes home & returns with a cat & gets to buy the cat food.
Next week the Indian finds dog food at special prices.
He picks a dozen cans of dog food & goes to check out...
The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy may have a cat but he cannot have a dog & he will probably feed dog food to his kids.
He asks the Indian to bring & show him the dog before he can let him have dog food.
The Indian goes home & returns with a dog.
He gets to buy the dog food.
The following week, the Indian comes to Walmart with a bag. He asks the Manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag, feels some thing slimy & immediately pulls it out...!!!
He shouts at the Indian, "What the hell...!!!
This is shit, U Idiot...!!!???"
The Indian calmly replies, "Yes, now may I buy some toilet paper pl...???"
😀
Do not mess with Indians