Mumbai ka Monsoon

Mumbai ka Monsoon
⛈🌧🌧⛈🌧⛈🌧

It was pouring down heavily in Colaba,
and standing in front of a big puddle outside a pub was an old Parsi Uncle,
drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water. 🎣

A passer-by, Anand stopped and asked,
"What are you doing, uncle?"

"Fishing", replied the old man.

Feeling sorry for the old man, Anand invited him to have a drink with him.
In the warmth of the pub, as they sipped their whiskies,
Anand enquired: "Uncle, so how many have you caught today?"

"You're the fifth", said the old Parsi Uncle.

The mystery of the book in a glass box

The mystery of the book in a glass box

A man walks into a bookstore and sees a particular notebook behind a counter that’s locked in a glass box:

He asks the cashier what book that is and the cashier says he doesn't know and needs to get confirmation from the manager.

Moments later, a tall, slender man with pale skin walks up to him claiming to be the manager. He tells the man that the book is actually a sacred relic which was uncovered during an expedition of some old ruins and that it is priced at £1000 so as to purposely ward off potential buyers.

The man insists wants to buy the book although the manager warns him otherwise.

At last, he agrees to sell him the book, but he warns the man of a curse that will befall him if the last page of the book were to ever be opened.

The man agrees and pays the £1000 then leaves with the book.

When he got home, he decides to leave the book opened on the table of his apartment while he goes and washes up.

When he is done, he sees the pages of the book turning towards the end at a fast speed, and he realised he had forgotten to close the windows.
He rushed over to the book in an attempt to close it, but it was too late. When the book flipped to the last page, he saw a sight that shocked him!

'Fixed price: £3' 🤣

How things go VIRAL on Apartment Whatsapp Groups

How things go VIRAL on Apartment Whatsapp Groups !!!

Person 1 : Hello, Did anyone spot a BAT near the swimming pool ? I really need to know .
Person 2 : What ??? 😱
Person 3 : Somebody pls inform the management office.
Person 4 : OMG ! Please don't send your kids to play downstairs today .
Person 5 : Yes ! With Nipah Virus , OH God !!! what is happening ?
Person 3 : We pay so much for maintenance and yet we have bats near pool. President should answer this.
Person 6 : Listen , if any kid gets bitten by bat , I have Ayurvedic meds
Person 3 : No ! No ! one cant just apply and should not apply anything .Just wash with soap and water. I read online about Nipah Virus !!!
Person 7 : Take him to the Doctor ASAP !
Person 3 : Take who 🤔
Person 8 : Is there a injection or medicine to prevent Nipah Virus ??? my child is only 8 months old 🙏🏼
Person 9 : I think Dr Patel in D1801 would be best to ask for next steps .
Person 2 : agreed
Person 3 : 👍🏼
Person 4 : +1
.
.
.
Person 1 : Ehh ! Guys , I was asking about my son’s Cricket Bat he left near the swimming pool last evening .

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Beggar Rocks Man Shocks

A beggar in front of a temple says " Sir, earlier you used donate Rs.50, then reduced it to Rs. 30, then further reduced it to Rs.20 and now you are giving me only Rs.10. Why so?

The man replies "When I was donating Rs.50, I was a bachelor, then I got married and donating Rs.30, then I had my first child and donating Rs.20, and now I had my second child, that's why I am giving only Rs.10.

Then the beggar nags " That means your entire family is living at my mercy"

Beggar rocks...and the man shocks...

A boy called to Vodafone customer care

A boy called to Vodafone customer care...
Girl picked up the phone.
Girl : Welcome to the Vodafone Customer care
Boy : Thank you.
Gilr : How may i Help you ?
Boy : Would you like to marry me ?
Gilr : Sir, you dialed wrong number
Boy : No No, i dialed correct number only, will you marry me ?
Girl : No, i'm not interested in marriage
Boy : Hello Madam, listen please
Girl : Not interested
Boy : If you do love marriage, then i will take to you to LONDON . Or Honkong for arrange marriage.
Girl : Hello, i'm not interested in marrying you. Then why are giving me these offers ?
Boy : Court marriage expense 10,000rs, Normal Marriage expense 2,00,000rs, Muslim style in only 2000rs
Girl : Why are you not understanding me, i'm not interested in marring you...
Boy : So, now you realised our pain, When we are NOT interested in any plans/offers. why do you keep on calling us...

Arrested for Laughing !!

Arrested for laughing...!!

This is from an actual trial in the UK.

A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.
She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more.

She filed a court case on him. In the court the man's defence was:-

When the lady boarded the bus i couldn't help noticing she was pregnant.
She sat under an advertisement, which read "Coming Soon- The unknown boon"..
I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving advertisement,
which read:- "William's stick did the trick"..
Then I could not control myself any longer,

when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:- "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident"..

The case was dismissed.

The judge fell off his chair laughing ! 😂😂😂

A Bar Opened Opposite a Church!

A Bar Opened Opposite a Church!
The Church Prayed Daily against the bar business...
Days later the bar was struck by lightning & caught fire which destroyed it.
Bar Owner Sued the Church Authorities for the cause of its destruction,
as it was an action because of their Prayer...
The Church Denied all Responsibility!
So, the judge commented,
"It's Difficult to Decide the Case
because
Here We have a Bar Owner Who Believes in the Power of Prayer
&
An Entire Church that Doesn't Believe in it !"

Lipstick in School (Priceless)

Lipstick in School (priceless)......
A certain private school was faced with a unique problem, where a number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick.💄.
They wud apply it in the bathroom, which was fine. But after that they would press their lips on the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints 👄.
Every night the maintenance janitor would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance janitor. She explained that all these lip prints 👄were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine all the yawns from the little princesses).
To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance janitor to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled mop, dipped it in the 🚽 toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers.. .
and then there are educators..!!
😜😛...

Good Old Days when I was a Child

GOOD OLD DAYS

When I was a child,
my mother would send me down to the corner store with
a 10 Rs, and I'd come back with

five Kg's of potatoes,

two loaves of bread,

three packs of juices,

packets of chocolates & candies

You can't do that now.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Too many damn security cameras!!"

Jesus, Moses, and an old man go golfing

Jesus, Moses, and an old man go golfing.
The first one to tee off is Moses.
He smashes the ball and it is heading right for the water hazard before the green.
Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball makes it to the green.
Jesus gets up to swing, cranks it out, and it is headed for the water hazard.
Jesus closes his eyes and prays.
The ball skips across the water and lands on the green two feet from the hole.
The old man's turn comes and he drives the ball.
The ball looks like it is going to drop directly into the water.
A fish jumps from the water hazard swallowing the ball,
as an eagle drops from the sky, grabbing the fish.
As the eagle flies over the green, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, making it drop the fish.
As the fish hits the green, it spits out the ball and the ball falls into the hole, making a hole in one.
Jesus looks at Moses and says, "I really think I'm leaving Dad at home next time!"

A Small boy named Hameed

Very touching story ..
Once upon a time ..a small boy named Hameed lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him "you are driving me crazy Hameed" ..one day his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teacher told her honestly that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her whole career...the mother could not accept such a feed back and she took her son out from that schoo. she even shifted to another city ...
25 years later, that teacher got a cardio disorder and all the doctors have advised her to go for an open heart operation which only one surgeon could perform..
left with no other choice she did it and the surgery was successful ...when she opened her eyes ,she saw a handsome doctor smiling to her, being under anesthesia effect, she wanted to thank him but could not talk, in turn, he was staring at her face which started turning blue, she was raising her hand trying to tell him some thing but in vain and eventually died...
the doctor was shocked and was trying to understand what just happened, till he turned back and saw our friend Hameed working as a cleaner in that hospital who unplugged the ventilator to connect his vacuum cleaner......
Don't tell me you were thinking that Hameed became a doctor....

The Atheist

A photographer, who was also a confirmed athiest, decided to go into the woods to get photos of the fall foliage.

It was a beautiful day....fall colors, birds chirping, babbling brook, and a gentle breeze rustling the leaves.

While snapping shots, the athiest heard a noise behind him, and whirled around to see a huge bear coming through the bushes. He dropped his camera and ran. And kept running....... and looking behind him, he noticed the bear was gaining on him. He was so scared that tears came to his eyes. He ran faster, but the bear was closing in on him. He ran faster yet, and tripped over a root. Rolling over onto his back, the athiest saw the bear rise to his full height and raise a huge paw...... and the athiest cried out, "Oh, God, no!"

And everything stopped. The birds stopped chirping. The brook stopped babbling. The gentle breeze stopped. And the bear froze with his paw in the air. And the athiest heard a booming voice say, "Young man. For years you doubted my very existance, but now that your life is in peril you call my name to help you. Why should I do so?"

And the athiest thought for a moment, and said, "Yes, you are right. If you are God, then it would be hypocritical of me to become a Christian at this point in my life. But, do you think that you could at least make the bear a Christian for today?" And the booming voice was quiet for a moment and then said, "Done."

And everything started again. The birds chirping, brook babbling, and gentle breeze rustling the leaves. And the bear slowly lowered his paw.

And the bear put his paws together, and bowed his massive head and said, "Dear Lord, please bless this food we are about to eat."

Apple Iphone 6 jokes

This is the Best one for today - 
When u fall down and your iPhone6 is in your pocket and u hear a crack,
u'll just be thinking
"Lord pls let that be my leg" 😀😛
Congratulations... iphone 6 launched..
The best feature of iPhone 6 is that if you hold it upside down it becomes iPhone 9
😛😛

iPhone users who've been saying "I love my small iPhone, Android phones are too big for me" all these years.... Apple just orphaned you...!!
😛😛😛
Gujjus will not be affected by iPhone 6 launch...
They will continue to flash their iPhone 4S and say
"iPhone Chhe".
😛😛
With the launch of iPhone 6, OLX is more excited than Apple....
as people will sell old phones, car, house etc to buy iPhone.
😛😛😛
Apple is Chinese, all iPhones look d same.
😛😛😛
Dear Apple,
iPhone-6 Will Be Priced At 70k...
iPhone-9 Ke Saath Kya Nano Free Milegi ...??
😛😛😛

iPhone's Are Like The Golmaal Movie
Every New Version Has The Same Features... But Is
Longer Than The Previous One..!!
😛😛😛
iPhone6 costs more than the total money Harman Baweja
earned from his Bollywood career...!!
😆😆

Family Problems

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems.
Finally, the other man said:
"You think you have family problems? Listen to my
situation. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up
daughter and we got married. "Later my father married my step daughter. That
made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. Also,my wife became mother in-law of her father-in-law. Then the
daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother
because he was my father's
son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son.
That made me the grandfather of my
half-brother. "This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is
also the grandmother. "This makes my father the
brother-in-law of my child, whose
stepsister is my father's wife, I'm my stepmother's
brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's
nephew and I'm My own grandfather! And you think you have family problems!"

The Horse and a Goat

There was a farmer who had a horse and a goat…..
One day, the horse became ill and he called the veterinarian, who said: Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him down.
Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation.
The next day, they gave him the medicine and left.
The goat approached the horse and said: - Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!
On the second day, they gave him the medicine and left.
The goat came back and said: - Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up.
Let's go! One, two, three...
On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the vet said:- Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.
After they left, the goat approached the horse and said: Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three... Good, good. Now faster, come on...... Fantastic! Run, run more!
Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!
All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the field and began shouting: It's a miracle! My horse is cured. We must have a grand party. Let's Cook the goat!!!! 
Lesson:
Management never knows which employee actually deserves the appraisal. 

Wonderful story and what a powerful message

Monkey and the Villagers

Once upon a time in a village, a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs 10.
The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them..
The man bought thousands at Rs 10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.
He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20.
This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.
The offer rate increased to Rs 25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs 50!
However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs 35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs 50."

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!
Welcome to the 'Stock Market'.....!!!!!!!!