Showing posts with label Personality Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personality Jokes. Show all posts

World Marriage Day

Today is 'World Marriage Day. Let us keep 2 minutes' silence and read some quotes of fellow - sufferers.

A few interesting
*GLOBAL OPINIONS ABOUT MARRIAGE* :

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin, they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
– Al Gore 😛😛

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
– Socrates 😝😝

Women inspire us to great things, and prevent us from achieving them.
– Mike Tyson 😝😝

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs 📄with me.
– Bill Clinton 😉😉

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. It helps a lot. Only, she goes Tuesdays, and I go Fridays."
– George W. Bush 👻

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
– Rudy Giuliani 💣

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
– Michael Jordan 😜😜

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
– Shaquille O'Neal 😘😘

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once..
– Kobe Bryant😡😡

You know what I did before I married?? Anything I wanted to.
– David Hasselhoff😞😞

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
– Alec Baldwin 😥😥

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
– Barack Obama😳😳

When you are in love,
Wonders happen.
But once you get married,
You wonder, what happened.
😜😁😂
👌😃😂👍

🍁And the best one …

"Marriage is a beautiful forest where Brave Lions are killed by beautiful Deer".😜😂🍁

Have a wonderful day !!

Towns most successful Lawyer

A local charity organization realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.
The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity.
Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied,
"First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness,
and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the donation seeker mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The person coming for donation began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister`s husband died in a traffic accident,"
the lawyer`s voice rising in indignation,
"leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The person who came asking for donation felt completely humiliated and said simply,
"I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again,
"So if I don`t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Apple CEO Tim Cook's schedule in Mumbai

This was Apple CEO Tim Cook's schedule in Mumbai :
4.45 am - Visit to Siddhivinayak Temple
6am - Meeting with the Ambanis in Antilia
1pm - Meeting with Cyrus Mistry - Head of Tata Group
4pm - Meeting with Altafbhai in Kurla to understand how the iPhone can be unlocked for Rs. 150/-
😂😂😀😀😁

What's your IQ ?

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed, who could not only serve drinks efficiently but also converse with the customers intelligently on a variety of topics.
A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "160."
Robot said: hmm, Scientist?
Man replied: Yup, "Astrophysicist"
So the robot proceeded to make conversation about the Grand Unified Theory of Universe of Stephen Hawking while serving him drinks.
The man listened intently and exclaimed, "This is absolutely great"
Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responded, "120."
Robot said: Professor?
Man said: "Thinker"
So the robot started talking about the controversies surrounding various Religions and faiths.
The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is fantastic."
A third guy came in to the bar. He was a white looking Indian. As with the others, the robot asked him,
"What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "15"
The robot paused for a while and then said, "So, how are things in Amethi these days?"

Dhoni Create WhatsApp Group!

Dhoni Create WhatsApp Group!

[Dhoni added Raina]
[Dhoni added Jadeja]
[Dhoni added Pandya]
[Dhoni added Yuvi]
[Dhoni added Rohit]
[Dhoni added Nehra]
[Dhoni added Ashwin]
[Dhoni added Dhawan]

Dhoni :- "Suno Sab Log"

Raina :- "Bolo Badebhai"
Yuvi :- "What"
Jadeja :- "Bhai Aadesh Do"

Dhoni :- "Aaj West Indies  Se Match Jitana Hai To Kohli Ko Bhadkana Padega"

Jadeja :- "HeHe...Done Bhai"

[Dhoni added Kohli]

Kohli :- "Hi...Guys"
Dhawan :- "Aa Gaya Angrej Ki Aulaad"
Kohli :- "Chup Be Bandar"🐒

Pandya :- "Kya Haal Hai Diljale AashiQ"
Kohli :- "Tu To Bol Hi Mat Kutte"

Jadeja :- "Kutte Se Yaad Aaya, Bhai Anushka Bhabhi Q Chhod Kar Bhaag Gai Aapko?"
Kohli :- "Group Me Private Baate Nahi Please"
😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

Ashwin :- "Ghadha Bana Gai Isko"🐴
Kohli :-Chup Saale, Dhoni Ke Chamche"

Yuvi :- "Evening Me Dikha De Tera Power Taki Sabko Pata Chale Mere Bhai Ko Koi Ghadha Nahi Bana Sakta"
Kohli :- "😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡"
Yuvi :- "Aisa Hi Gussa Banaye Rakhna Bhai"

Kohli :- "Chalo Main Jaa Raha Hun😡"
Dhoni :- "Kaha Chala Chhote?"
Kohli :- "Practice Karne"
Dhoni :- "Itani Dhoop Me?"
Kohli :- "Ghurrrrrr😡😡😡"
Dhoni :- "Take Care Of Yourself"

[Dhoni Removed Kohli]

Dhoni :- "Guys We will Win😜"
Yuvi :- "Ab Ye West Indies Ki Baja Kar Rakh Dega"
Dhawan :- "Main To So Raha Hun! Sham Ko Jaga Dena, Practice Ki Koi Jarurat Nahi Ab"
😜😅😁😍😋😂😆😝😛😘😃

Anushka aur Virat Kohli Jokes

कोहली ऐसे खेल रहा है ,जैसे इसका ब्रेक अप ऑस्ट्रेलिया वालों ने ही करवाया था 😂😂
--------------------
Dhoni ne virat k kaan me kya kaha?????
.
.
Anushka pandya se chat kr rhi h
😂😂😂😂💥💥🎊🎊🎉💥💥🎊🎊🎊💥🎉🎊
--------------------
डेविड वार्नर :- कोहली ने पूरी मेहनत पर पानी फेर दिया 😂😂😂

धोनी :- वो तो होना ही था ! क्योंकि मैंने उसको बोला था कि आस्ट्रेलिया के
बॉलर अनुष्का पर लाईन मारते हैं । 😀😀😀😀

डेविड वार्नर :- मम्मी 😰😰😰😭😭
--------------------
युवराज जाते हुए धोनी को बता गया
कोहली के कान में बार बार
अनुष्का
कहते रहना।
😛😛😛😛
--------------------
❌❌❌ब्रेकिंग न्यूज़❌❌❌
वेस्ट इंडीज़ टीम अनुष्का शर्मा के घर पहुंची और पैरों पे गिरके निवेदन किया की भाभी सेमि फ़ाइनल देखने ज़रूर आना
😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜
--------------------
DHONI: bhai VIRAT, 2-3 match se bada accha khel raha hai..!!?🤔👌🏻👏🏻 , baat kya hai??? 😉😉
.
.
.
VIRAT: bhai ANUSHKA ka favourite color green tha...!!😅😅😤😂😂
.
DHONI(thinking):

Pakistan- GREEN dress
Bangladesh- GREEN dress
Australia- GREEN dress
😂😂😂💪🏻👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻
--------------------
कोहली ऐसे खेल रहा है ,जैसे इसका ब्रेक अप ऑस्ट्रेलिया वालों ने ही करवाया था 😂😂

Munna and Circuit Jokes

MUNNA and CIRCUIT
😂😂😂
Munna: Kya kar rela hai circuit?
Circuit: Bhai bulb pe baap ka naam likh rela hu
Munna: Kyun!
Circuit: Bhai, baap ka naam roshan karne ka he na.
😜

Munna: Ae Circuit ye Dr. log opration se pehle patient ko behosh kyun karte hai?
Circuit: Bhai! Bole to patient opration sikh gaya to Dr. Logo ki to wat lag jayegi na.
😜

Munna: ye Gandhi Bapu
har note me haste hi kyu rehte hei ??

Circuit: Simple hai
BHAI, Royenge to note
geeela ho jayenga na.
😜

Circuit- Bhai, Aamerican Rastrapati Kaha Rehta He?
Munna- DHOBIGHAT Pe
Circuit- Dhobighat Bole To?
Munna- English Me Bole To
“WASHING TOWN"
😜

Munna Bhai: Aay circuit, baapu bole to gandhi ji kapde kyu nahi pehantay thay?

Circuit: Bhai bole toh bapu bhi us time ke Salmaan Khan the !!!

Hansa and Praful Jokes

Hansa : Praful automatically matlab??
Praful : aare Hansa.. agar koi aadmi ganja hota hai tou ussko kya
bolte hain...
Hansa : taklaa..
Praful : aur agar koi ladki ganji ho to ussko kya bolenge....
Hansa : takli..
Praful : aur wohi ladki agar auto mein baith kar kahin ghoomne jaye
tou ussko kya bologi??
Hansa : auto mein takli… aare haan automatically!
Tum kitne samajhdaar ho Praful...😛😛😛😛😛
💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠
Hansa : Prafoool, ye Senior or Junior ka kya matlab?
Praful : Hansaaaaaa samundra ke najdik rehte hai woh...
sea + near = Senior
aur jo Zoo ke najdik rehte hai woh...
Zoo + near = Junior 😊😷😳😎
💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠💠
✅ Hansa : Praful
tournament matlab??
Praful : tournament hansaaaa yeh jo tumne kaanme jhumke pehne hai use tournament kehte hai...
Bapuji : abey Praful gadhe use ornaments kehte hai.👺
Praful: Bapuji ohh Bapuji ek kaan me pehno to ornaments or dono kaan me pehno to two ornaments matlab tournament....😏
Hansa: haay haay bapuji ko to kuch bhi nahi aata....😝👍😀🔫⚡😜😄🙏 😝😉☺😊

Sardarji meeting with Bill Gates

Sardarji went to US & had a
meeting with Bill Gates.
Bill: "I want to show you the US advancement. Come with me."
He takes him to a forest.. .
Bill: "Dig the ground."
Sardarji did it.
Bill: "More Mor­­e…More…"
Sardarji went upto 100 Feet..
Bill: "So now, try to search something."
Sardarji : "I got a Wire."
Bill: "You know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have telephones..."
Sardarji became frustrated.He invited Bill to India.Next year Bill was in India..
Sardarji : "I want 2 show u our advancement."
The same, he takes Bill 2 a forest.
Sardarji : "Dig it."
Bill does.
Sardarji : "More.Mor­­e.More.
Bill goes upto almost 400 feet.
Sardarji :"Try 2 find sumthing.
Bill tries...
Sardarji :"Did you get anything?"
Bill: "No, there is nothing here."
Sardarji : "You know, it shows that even 400 years ago, we used to be WIRELESS !!"
Bill Gates Shocked😭
Sardar Rocked 😉!!
Bolo tararara!!!💃👯
Dont laugh alone... pass it on.....😀

Misbah-ul-Haq Trying to Propose an Australian Girl

Misba-Ul-Haq(Pak Captain) trying to propose an Australian Girl :
Misba: Mai apse beintha muhobat karta hu
Girl: What?
Misba: Mai apse pyar karta hu
Girl: Pls speak in English
Misba: Boys Played Well.. It was just a bad luck today and we lost the match.
😅😂😂😂

Ek Bar Kejriwal, Modi, Sonia aur kareena Train se ja rahe the.

Ek Bar Kejriwal  👨, Modi 🎅, Sonia  👵aur Kareena 👸 Train se ja rahe the.
🚝🚋🚋🚋🚋🚃🚋🚋

Tabhi ek Gufa 🚇 ( tunnel )Aayi aur Kissing 👄 aur thappad  👋Ki aawaz aayi....

Jab train bahar aayi  🚉 to Kejriwal  👨ka Gaal Laal tha....

Sab ke Sab Chup 😷😷😷😷.......

Sonia  👵 soch rahi thi Ke AAM  🍋🍋 ADMI paagal  👻 hote hai , Kejriwal 👨 Ne Kareena 👸 ko Kiss  👄Kiya Hoga, aur thapad 👋 khaya Hoga....

Kareena  👸 soch rahi thi Ke Kejriwal 👨 ne Mujhe Kiss 👄 Karne ke Liye galti se Sonia 👵 Ko Kiss kar liya hoga aur thappad  👋Khaya....

Kejriwal 👨 soch raha tha Ke Modi  🎅 ne Kareena 👸 ko kiss kiya Lekin, Kareena ne Mujhe Samajh kar mujhe thappad Mara..😥

Modi  🎅soch raha tha ek bar fir gufa  🚇aaye aur Main fir se kiss 👄 ki awaj Nikal kar fir jor se kejriwal ko thappad 👋 Maaru… 😡 “Abhi sale ne politics dekhi kaha Hai… 💀👽😿😹😾............

Obama & Modi entered a Chocolate Store

Obama & Modi entered a chocolate store. As they were busy looking, Obama stole 3 chocolate bars.
As they left the store, Obama said to Modi " Yo! Man I'm the best thief everrr, I stole 3 chocolates & no one saw me, can beat that !"
Modi replied: "You wanna see something better, let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing"
So they went to the counter and Modi said to the Shop boy: "Do you wanna see magic?"
Shop boy replied: "Yes."
Modi said: "Give me one chocolate bar." The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it. He asked for the second, and he ate that as well. He asked for the third, and finished that one too.
The shop boy asked: "But where's the magic?"
Modi  replied: "Check in my friend Obama's pockets, and you'll find them."

Yo Kejriwal So Honest

Ab rajnikant. Santa banta. Bapu. Sardar bandh karo. Naya comedy king kejrival aa gaya hai Usko chance do..
kejriwal so honest-
1. केजरीवाल जी वजन बताने वाली मशीन पर
बिना कपड़ो के खड़े होते हैं ताकि वजन
सही आ सके...

2. केजरीवाल ने आज तक कोई भी LIC policy
नहीं ली है, उनका कहना है की "HONESTY IS
THE BEST POLICY...."...

3. एक बार maggi मे मसाला नहीं निकलने पर
केजरीवाल ने Nestle पर धोखाधड़ी का case
कर दिया था...
😛
4. केजरीवाल अंडरवियर नही पहनते
क्योंकि अंडरवियरों पे
वीआईपी लिखा होता है।
😆
5. केजरीवाल वो ईमानदार व्यक्ति है
जिन्होंने अपनी शादी में लाखो का दहेज़ लेने
के बाद... अपने ससुर जी को चंदे
की पक्की रशीद काट के दी...।

6. स्कूल मे अपने पिता का नाम पूछे जाने पर
केजरीवाल DNA टेस्ट कराने चले गए थे...
OMG
🙊
7. केजरीवाल जी इतने इमानदार हैं की होटल
मे खाना खाने के बाद जो सौफ और
मिश्री का भी payment करते हैं...
g8

8. एक बार केजरीवाल ने हलवाई पर इसलिए
केस कर दिया था कि गुलाम जामुन में न
तो गुलाब था और न ही जामुन...

9. एक बार कौवे ने झूठ बोला तो केजरीवाल
जी ने उसे काट लिया।
🙊😅
10. गोलगप्पे खाने के बाद extra पापड़ी लेने
का भी पैसा केजरीवाल देते हैं... 😛😛
11. केजरीवाल जी इतने ईमानदार हैं कि जब
भी कहीं बम पाते हैं
तो आतंकियों को लौटा देते हैं... 
12. सुप्रीम कोर्ट केजरीवाल की ईमानदारी से
इतना प्रभावित है की अब गीता की जगह
केजरीवाल जी की कसम खा कर बयान
देना पड़ेगा 😛

Steve Jobs created I-Wife

Steve Jobs (Apple owner ) is now working with God to create an
"i-wife"
which will have a Slim design, beauty with brains, obedient, less demanding, less of materialistic cravings, willingness to do household chores, less irritating and most important, comes with a MUTE button. 😷
Bookings full till 2080.
Till then kindly bear with ur own versions...!!

Arnab Goswami series

After Rajnikanth, Alok nath & Alia bhatt, it's time for Arnab Goswami series.....
😜
After creating this complex world, GOD was worried, who will decide what is RIGHT and what is WRONG ?
So he created ARNAB GOSWAMI.
😝😝😝😝😝😝
Arnab Goswami might probably be the only guy in this world to fight with his wife & win
😂😂😂😂😂😂
If we could place a mini turbine inside Arnab Goswami's throat, the resultant electricity can power all the Times group building.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Arnab Goswami is inversly proportional to Manmohan Singh
😂😂😂😂😂😂
If you find Arnab Goswami's pic with his mouth closed, then that camera has a very good shutter speed.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Arnab Goswami is fluent in English & weak in grammar  becoz he does not use full stop or comma
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
From the moon you can see the great wall of china and hear Arnab Goswami shouting "The nation wants to know"
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Proposed airport near Times Now studio cancelled as noise from newshour could weaken the structure and intercept signals
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
When Arnab Goswami says "I will speak now" , everyone looks puzzled , wondering who was speaking till now
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Whats the similarity between Arnab Goswami & google?
Both interrupt you before you complete the sentence
😂😂😂

Jesus, Moses, and an old man go golfing

Jesus, Moses, and an old man go golfing.
The first one to tee off is Moses.
He smashes the ball and it is heading right for the water hazard before the green.
Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball makes it to the green.
Jesus gets up to swing, cranks it out, and it is headed for the water hazard.
Jesus closes his eyes and prays.
The ball skips across the water and lands on the green two feet from the hole.
The old man's turn comes and he drives the ball.
The ball looks like it is going to drop directly into the water.
A fish jumps from the water hazard swallowing the ball,
as an eagle drops from the sky, grabbing the fish.
As the eagle flies over the green, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, making it drop the fish.
As the fish hits the green, it spits out the ball and the ball falls into the hole, making a hole in one.
Jesus looks at Moses and says, "I really think I'm leaving Dad at home next time!"

Aaliya, Vijay Mallya and Robert Vadra

If Aaliya Bhatt marries Vijay Maliyas son Siddhartha, she will be called Aaliya Maliya, their child will be a dhamaliya and grandfather is anyway divaliya! Just a thought, I was in a poetic mood! 
----
Breaking News: Robert Vadhera is merging his family surname with that of his wife's. From now onwards he will be known as Robert Gadhera.
-----
A Medical Fact?
At one point Vijay Mallya had Piles of Cash.
Now the Cash has gone and only the Piles remain.
This condition is medically called King Fissure!!!  

Kapil Sharma vs. Auto rickshaw driver

Kapil Sharma vs. Auto rickshaw driver 
Kapil :kitna paisa hua?
Auto wala : 30 Rs..
Kapil :- Ye le 15 Rs 😎
Auto Wala:- Ye kya sirf 15 Rs..ye to cheating hai 
Kapil:- Cheating kaise..Tu bhi to baith k aaya hai..to sharing ka paisa kon dega,Tera baap? 
Jaldi forward karo market mein naya hai....

The Witty Mahatma

The Witty Mahatma
When Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, a white
professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely and always
displayed prejudice and animosity towards him. Also, because Gandhi never
lowered his head when addressing him, as he expected.... there were always
"arguments" and confrontations.
 One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University,
and Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The
professor said, "Mr Gandhi, you do not understand. A pig and a bird do not
sit together to eat." Gandhi looked at him as a parent would a rude child
and calmly replied, "You do not worry professor. I'll fly away," and he
went and sat at another table.
Mr.  Peters,  reddened  with rage, decided to take revenge on the next test
paper,  but  Gandhi  responded  brilliantly  to  all questions. Mr. Peters,
unhappy  and  frustrated,  asked him the following question. "Mr Gandhi, if
you  were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag
of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money, which one would you take?"
 Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, "The one with the money, of course."
Mr. Peters , smiling sarcastically said, "I, in your place, would have
taken the wisdom, don't you think?"
Gandhi shrugged indifferently and responded, "Each one takes what he
doesn't have."
Mr. Peters, by this time was fit to be tied. So great was his anger that he
wrote on Gandhi's exam sheet the word "idiot" and gave it to Gandhi. Gandhi
took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk trying very hard to remain
calm while he contemplated his next move.
A  few  minutes later, Gandhi got up, went to the professor and said to him
in  a  dignified but sarcastically polite tone, "Mr. Peters, you signed the
sheet, but you did not give me the grade."
😀😅😅😀

James bond and Telugu guy

On a flight James Bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy.
Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?"
James Bond: "My name is Bond" Continuing in his inimitable
style, "......James Bond."
Then Bond asks: "And you?"
Telugu Guy: " My name is Rao...
Siva Rao...
Samba Siva Rao...
Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao..."
Since then when anyone asks Bond his name he simply says...
"James Bond"