A UAE Malayali went to a dentist

A UAE Malayali went to a dentist for tooth extraction and first enquired about cost. Dentist said 1200 dirhams , the Malayali thought it was too much.

After some thought, he asked about cheaper methods.

The dentist said, Yes, it can be done without anesthesia and will cost only 300dirhams, but it would  be very very painful.

Malayali said OK Dr, do it without anesthesia.

The dentist removed the tooth without anesthesia  and during the entire procedure the Malayali sat  quietly, even smiling a little.

The dentist was not only surprised, but was quite impressed and said
I have never seen such a brave patient like you. I don't even want my fees, instead, take this 500 as a reward, you've taught me such a powerful lesson today about mastering one's pain and feelings !!!

In the evening he met his fellow dentists and told everyone about his amazing Malayali patient.

Out of all doctors, one doctor jumped up and shouted 😤 that Malayali first came to me, I gave him anesthesia and asked him to wait outside for half an hour ! After half an hour when I called him he had left !!!!

😂🤑🤣😛😝😜🤣🤑😂

A Mallu woman went for a job interview

A Mallu woman went for a job interview for the post of a Secretary..
The Manager saw the woman's colorful clothes, gold jewellery, extra coconut oiled hair, & his mind was screaming:
"NOT THIS WOMAN"..
Nevertheless he had to interview her.
So told her,
If u make a sentence using all the words that i give u, then maybe i giv u a chance at the job.
The words are:
GREEN,
PINK,
YELLOW,
BLUE,
WHITE,
PURPLE &
BLACK.

The enthusiastic Mallu sat staring at the ceiling thinking for a while..

She then let out a dorky laugh and said,

"I hear the phone ring, GREEN GREEN GREEN, then i go PINK up the phone,
I say YELLOW...
BLUE's that??
Sorry WHITE did u say? Aiyyo...
Wrong Number!!
Dont simbly PURPLELY disturb people & dont call me BLACK next time WOKAY !!... Thank you"
Manager fainted!!!!
😳😖😂

The Legendary Mallu Lungi

The Legendary Mallu Lungi

Just as the national bird of Kerala is Mosquito, her national dress is 'Lungi'. Pronounced as 'Lu' as in loo and 'ngi ' as in 'mongey', a lungi can be identified by its floral or window-curtain pattern.

'Mundu' is the white variation of lungi and is worn on special occasions like hartal or bandh days, weddings and Onam.Lungi is simple and 'down to earth' like the mallu wearing it. Lungi is the beginning and the end of evolution in its category. Wearing something on the top half of your body is optional when you are wearing a lungi.

Lungi is a strategic dress. It's like a one-size-fits-all bottoms for Keralites.The technique of wearing a lungi/mundu is passed on from generation to generation through word of mouth like the British Constitution. If you think it is an easy task wearing it, just try it once! It requires techniques like breath control and yoga that is a notch higher than sudarshan kriya. A lungi/mundu when perfectly worn won't come off even in a quake of 8 on the richter scale. A lungi is not attached to the waist using duct tape, staple, rope or velcro. It's a bit of mallu magic whose formula is a closely guarded secret like the Coca Cola chemicals.

A lungi can be worn 'Full Mast' or 'Half Mast' like a national flag. A 'Full Mast' lungi is when you are showing respect to an elderly or the dead. Wearing it at full mast has lots of disadvantages. A major disadvantage is when a dog runs after you.

Wearing a lungi 'Half Mast' is when you wear it exposing yourself like those C grade movie starlets. A mallu can play cricket, football or simbly run when the lungi is worn at half mast. A mallu can even climb a coconut tree wearing lungi in half mast.

Most mallus do the traditional dance kudiyattam. Kudi means drinking alcohol and yattam, spelled as aattam, means random movement of the male body. Note that 'y' is silent. When you are drinking, you drink, there is no 'y'. Any alcohol related "festival" can be enjoyed to the maximum when you are topless with lungi and a towel tied around the head. "Half mast lungi makes it easy to dance and shake legs" says Candelaria Amaranto, a Salsa teacher from Spain after watching 'kudiyaattam' .

The 'Lungi Wearing Mallu Union' [LUWMU, pronounced LOVE MU], an NGO which works towards the 'upliftment' of the lungi, strongly disapprove of the GenNext tendency of wearing Bermudas under the lungi. Bermudas under the lungi is a conspiracy by the CIA. It's a disgrace to see a person wearing burmuda with corporate logos under his lungi. What they don't know is how much these corporates are limiting their freedom of movement and expression.

· A mallu wears lungi round the year, all weather, all season.

· A mallu celebrates winter by wearing a colourful lungi with a floral pattern.

· Lungi provides good ventilation and brings down the heat between legs.

· A mallu is scared of global warming more than anyone else in the world.

· A lungi/mundu can be worn any time of the day/night. It doubles as blanket at night.

· It also doubles up as a swing, swimwear, sleeping bag, parachute, facemask while entering/exiting toddy shops, shopping basket and water filter while fishing in ponds and rivers.

· It also has recreational uses like in 'Lungi/mundu pulling', a pastime in households having more than one male member.

· Lungi pulling competitions are held outside toddyshops all over Kerala during Onam and Vishu.

· When these lungis are decommissioned from service, they become table cloths.

Mallu boarding a Plane

Mallu boarding a plane.
Air hostess is smiling.
Mallu: Tatti vendi!
Air hostess (shocked): What???
Mallu: Tatti vendi!!!
Air hostess calls steward.
Mallu: Tatti vendi!!!
Steward: What????
Mallu thrusts his boarding pass below the steward's nose.
Steward looks at it and bursts out laughing.
Composes himself, and says
"Sir, seat 31 D is in the center. This way please!"

Mallu Jokes

Alcohol ban in my Kerala ! This is zimbly terrible. Today I will take an otto, go to the temble and ask God why he did thiz in hiz own kentry?? I ask all my ungles and aunthies to take all their meney and shift to Gelf and Thhubai immediately !
Enough of Sardar jokes……Mallu jokes are in town!!!!!!!!!!
1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?
IngumDax.
2) Where did the Malayali study?
In the ko-liage.
3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
He is very bissi.
4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.
5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.
6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen.
8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.
9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
An Oto.
11) Where does he pray?
In a Temble, Charch and a Maask.
12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend?
A Malaya-Lee of coarse.
13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
Kerala.
14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi.
15) Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait?
He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say 'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'.
16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where ".
17) Why aren't Mallus included in hockey and football teams?
Coz Whenever they get a corner, they set up a tea shop.
Now pass it on to 5 Mallus to get a free sample of kokanet oil.
Pass it on 10 Mallus to get a free pack of Benana Chibbs....😋😛😙

To all Mallu Friends

To all dear Mallu friends...
Thomas,  The Apostle came to Kerala to spread Christianity.
He told them, A saviour has been born - Mallu was disinterested.....
He said, Christ can do Miracles - Mallu was Bored.

He said, Christ can walk on water - Mallu Yawned.
He said, Christ can make dead man walk - Mallu says Poda.............

He said, Christ can make Wine from Water - All Mallus Converted on the spot
:D :D :D