Nostalgic School Days

Nostalgic School Days

During my School days, After getting the first beating on my hands from the teacher, I used to wipe my hands on my trousers and then only take the second one ....!
I was very particular about cleanliness.

All my teachers used to stand and take classes...
You know the reason ? Respect.... They respected me so much... Nothing else.

During my school days, my teachers used to often request me to bring my father as they were afraid of telling me anything, lest they offend me .

My teachers were very fond of reading what I had written... In fact they would make me write it a hundred times so that they can read it again and again..

Many times the teachers have thrown their valuable chalks to me without me asking for it.

Many times my teachers have made me stand outside the class to ensure 'Z' category security while they were teaching.

How many times I have been honoured/elevated by asking me to stand up on the bench with all others looking up to me....

How many times I have been given a break from class to enjoy the sunshine & fresh air, when most others were sweating/choking inside the classroom ....

As I knew everything, the teachers used to appreciate my knowledge and have told me many times.....*Why do you come to school ? Why can't you do something else instead...."

Nostalgic days....!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Little Johnny knows his number

Little Johnny knows his number

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers.

"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three."

"Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher.
"Your dad has done a good job. What comes after ten?"

"A jack," says the kid.

How many kidneys do we have?

Teacher addresses a student and asks: “How many kidneys do we have?"
“Four!", The backbencher student responds.
“Four? Haha,” The teacher was one of those who took pleasure in picking on his students' mistakes and demoralizing them.
“Bring a bundle of grass, because we have a donkey in the room," the teacher orders a front bencher.
“And for me a coffee!”, the backbencher student added.
The teacher was furious and expelled the student from the room.
The student was, by the way, a famous humorist namely Aparicio Torelly Aporelly (1895-1971), better known as the "Baron de Itararé".
On his way out of the classroom, the student still had the audacity to correct the furious teacher:
"You asked me how many kidneys‘ we have.
"We have four: two of mine and two of yours. ‘We have’ is an expression used for the plural. Enjoy the grass".
Life demands much more understanding than knowledge 😊😂

Terrible English by PT sir in Haryana

Terrible English by PT sir in Haryana.... 😁😁😜😝😛😁😍

1) There is no wind in the football.. 😆
2) I talk, he talk, why you middle talk?. 😝
3) You rotate the ground 4 times.. 😳
4) You go and understand the tree. 😳😳
5) I'll give you clap on ur cheeks.. 😓
6) Bring your parents and your mother and especially your father. 😓😓
7) Close the window airforce is coming. 😂
8) I have two daughters and both are girls.. 😂😭
9) Stand in a straight circle.. 😆
10) Don't stand in front of my back 😱😭😭
11) Why Haircut not cut..? 😵😵
12) Don't make noise.. principle is rotating in the corridor 😂😂😂
13) Why are you looking at the monkey outside the window when I'm here? 😅
14) You talking bad habit 😁
15) Give me a red pen of any colour. 😖😓
16) Can i have some snow in my cold drink? 😭😭
17) Pick the paper and fall into the dustbin. 😜
18) Both of u stand together separately. 😝😝
19) Keep quiet the principal just passed away!!
20) Who left the atmosphere of my bicycle! ! 😂😂😂😂😂....

Name 7 different types of cheese

Teacher: Name 7 different types of Cheese

Banta :

1.Ricotta
2.Cottage
3.Mozarella
4.Cheddar
5.Swissblue
6.Bekhudi
7.Zindagi

Teacher:  What is 'Bekhudi' and 'Zindagi ?

Banta: Hosh walon ko khabar kya, 'Bekhudi' kya cheese hai. Ishq kijiye phir samjhiye, Zindagi' kya cheese hai.

Its hard to be a teacher at times

IT'S HARD TO BE A TEACHER AT TIMES...

Teacher: ''Construct a sentence using the word "sugar''
Pupil: ''I drank tea this morning.''
Teacher: ''Where is the word sugar.''
Pupil: ''It is already in the tea..!!''

😂😂😂😂😂😂
TEACHER: Our topic for today is Photosynthesis.

TEACHER : What is photosynthesis class?
Student: Photosynthesis is our topic today.

Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!

TEACHER : John is climbing a tree to pick some
mangoes. ( Begin the sentence with Mangoes)
Student : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you...

TEACHER : What do you call mosquitoes in your language?
Student: We don't call them, they come on their own...

TEACHER : Name the nation people hate most
Student: Exami-nation...

TEACHER : How can we keep our school clean?
Student: By staying at home...

TEACHER : One day our country will be corruption free. What tense is that??
Student: Future impossible tense...

THE STRUGGLE CONTINUES
😬😬😬

Don't stop the fun. Pass it on. Thank you.

Practical session in the psychology class

It was a practical session in the psychology class.

The professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it.

The rat was in the middle of the cage.

Then, the professor kept a piece of cake on one side and kept a female rat on the other side.

The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it.

Then, the professor changed the cake and replaced it with some bread.

The male rat ran towards the bread.

This experiment went on with the professor changing the food every time.

And, every time, the male rat ran towards the food item and never towards the female rat.

Professor said: This experiment shows that food is the greatest strength and attraction.

Then, one of the students from the back rows said:

"Sir, why don't you change the female rat? This one may be his wife!"

A Story with a moral at the end

The Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff. But then the teacher realised that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?'

''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about my Mom. She was a marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was
a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets,
killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
.
Pin drop silence in the class !!
.
''Good Heavens,' said
the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?

"Stay away from Mommy when
she's drunk.."

Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation

🤔When I was in school, I used to ask a lot of questions....!!😃
One Day I asked Ms. Doris, our English teacher:"
Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation. eg the letter....'H'.......in Hour, Honest, Honor..... e.t.c.........???"

Ms. Doris: "We are not ignoring them; they are considered silent." ...!!
(I was even more confused.....😏🙅😱😵....??)

During the lunch break, MS. Doris gave me her packed lunch & asked me to heat it in the cafeteria.

I ate all the food and returned her an empty container....!!😏

Ms. Doris:---- "What happened, I told you to go and HEAT my food & you are returning me an empty container??"

Me: --- "Madam I thought 'H' was silent"
😳😋🤣😆😇

Where did the word WIFE come from ?

😊😊😊😊😊
World's dangerous joke that can fracture your bones.

Teacher: "From where did the word 'wife' come from?"

Student: "Ma'am, it is derived by taking the first 2 & last 2 alphabets from the word 'WILDLIFE'."

"And, the remaining words 'LDLI' are for the husband:
Last Day of Living Independently."
😀😀😀😀

Petty Thieves

When her child's towel was stolen during a school swimming trip, an irritated parent demanded of the class teacher, "What kind of petty thieves are in class with my child?!?"

"I'm sure it was taken accidentally," said the Teacher. "What does it look like?"

"It's white," said the parent. "And it has
'GRAND HYATT' printed on it."

😂😉😂

One day at school

😂😂
One day at school....

Teacher: Shinde, answer me. What do you wanna be when you grow up.

Shinde : Teacher, I wish to become a very rich man. My business should be in all major cities. I should buy a big bungalow. I will always travel by air. Wherever I go into should stay in 5 star hotels. There should be minimum 10 servants to take care of my needs. I should own the costliest car. I should have the costliest diamond.

Teacher: Stop Shinde. Students, henceforth you should not give such lengthy answer. Please reply in a sentence. Ok. Now you tell me Pooja. What do you want to be?

Pooja: Shinde's wife ....

😂💃🏻🏃😂

How many cats does Johnny have ?

Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Six.”

Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven!”

Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”

Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a cat!”

A Psychology Professor

One day in a well known University, a Sr Psychology Professor started his class on a very serious Topic. The moment he turned towards the blackboard, one of the students Whistled. He turned, looked at the class and asked the whistler's name ............. As usual and as expected no one answered.
The Professor peacefully kept the Pen in his pocket and picked up his bag. Saying that, the lecture ends here and that was enough for the day, he started moving towards the gate of the class. Students were overjoyed to be free.
Then, he suddenly stopped and turned towards the class, kept his bag on the table and said, "I'll tell you a story to utilise the remaining time". Everyone became interested.
Yesterday night I tried hard to sleep, but it was miles away from my eyes, so I thought I'd better get petrol in my car, which will save my time next morning and might induce sleep. After having my tank full, I started roaming in that area, enjoying the peace of a traffic free ride.
Suddenly, on the corner I saw a girl who was as young and beautiful as the clothes she was wearing. Must have been returning from a party. Out of courtesy, I turned my car towards her and asked if I may be of any help. She asked me if I could drop her to her home, she'll be very obliged, to which I agreed. (Who would deny a beautiful young company instead of a dry non sleepy night.)
She sat in the front seat with me. We started talking, and to my amazement she was very intelligent, had control on many topics which many youngsters don't.
When we reached her address, she admitted my courteous nature and behavior and accepted that she had fallen in love with me.
I also admitted her intelligence and beauty and that I've also started liking her. I told her about my job as a professor in the university.
The girl asked my number, which I gave her willingly. Then she asked me a favor, to which i couldn't have denied naturally.
She said that her brother is a student in the same university, and asked me to take care of him, since we'll be in a long relationship now.
I asked the name of the student.She said that I'll recognise him with one of his very prominent quality.
He whistles a lot.
The moment the professor said this, all eyes in the classroom turned towards the boy who had whistled.
The professor turned to that boy and said,
"Young Man I didn't get My Ph. D in Psychology by sitting on my Ass."
😊🤓😍😜😝😜😍🤓😊

Not Easy to be a Teacher

Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!

TEACHER : John is climbing a tree to pick some
mangoes. (Begin the sentence with Mangoes)
Student : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you
.
.😁😁😁😁😁😁
.
Definitely Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!
.
TEACHER : What do you call mosquitoes in your language?
Student: We don't call them, they come on their own.
.
. 😬😬😬😬😬😬
.
TEACHER : How can we keep our school clean?
Student: By staying at home.
.
. 😊😊😊😊😊😊
.
English Grammar class.

Teacher: What's the difference between "He cleans the plate" and "the plate is cleaned by him."

Student: In first sentence 'HE' is not married, but in second sentence 'He' is married....
.
😬😬😬😬😬😬

Rahul Gandhi went to Doon School on Teachers Day

Rahul Gandhi went to Doon School on Teachers Day to meet his teachers and wish them.
He said,
"Today I am what I am, because of you all".
Pin drop silence....

Then Principal Mr Ramchandani got emotional:
"You can't really blame us, we did our best.🤣

Muje Chutti Chahiye

Student (Teacher Ko) : Mere Dadaji Expire Ho Gaye Hai,
Muje Chutti Chahiye.
Teacher : Thik Hai Aaj Mein Tuje Chutti Detahu.
Thode Dino Ke Bad
.
.
.
Student : Sir, Meri Dadi Expire Ho Gayi Hai.
Muje Aaj Chutti Do.
Teacher : Ok, Jaa... !
Thode Dino Ke Bad
.
.
.
Student : Sir, Mere Dada Expire Ho Gaye Hai,
Muje Chutti Chahiye.
Teacher : Dekh Beta !
Chutti Ke Liye Juth Mat Bol,
Bahane Mat Dikha !
Tere Dadaji To 2 Mahine Pahele Hi Expire Ho Gaye The.


Student : Ha Ye Sahi Hai Sir,
Fir Bad Mein Meri Dadi Akeli Ho Gayi,
Isliye Unhone Dusri Shadi Ki Thi...
Fir Bad Mein Wo Bhi Expire Ho Gaye,
Isliye Naye Dada Ne Nayi Dadi Ke Sath Shadi Ki Thi.
Ab Naye Dada Expire Ho Gaye Hai.
Meri Nayi Dadi Nayi Shadi Kare Aisi Sambhavna Bhi Hai

Parents are confused about future of their kids

Now Parents are confused about future of their kids...

Whether to send Kids to sell Tea
and become like Modi...
Or
Send them to IIT and
become like Kejriwal...
Or
Go Abroad and
do nothing to become like Rahul Gandhi..

!!! Hard Decision !!!

Or
Send him to Haridwar
to get holy enlightenment
and become someone like Ramdev Baba
Or
spiritual Baba having annual income over Crores
Or
Send him to JNU to become * KANHAIYA*
Or
leave him for getting result of ......
just 9th fail and
become deputy CM like Tejaswi Yadav
Or
Go sell alcohol take a loan like Mallya and fly to London

Very very
confusing
Tough decision......

😇😇😅😂😂

Geek Maths jokes

WARNING : Geek Maths jokes. Truly terrible 😝

Math refresher 😜😃😝

Q: Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle?
A: They were right for each other

Q: Why didn't the Romans find algebra very challenging? A: Because X was always 10

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi

Q: Why couldn't the angle get a loan?
A: His parents wouldn't Cosine

Q: Why is beer never served at a math party?
A: Because you can't drink and derive.

Q: Why didn't the number 4 get into the nightclub?
A: Because he is 2 square

Q. Why was the math book sad?
A. Because it had so many problems.

Q: Why do plants hate math?
A: Because it gives them square roots.

Q: What is the first derivative of a cow?
A: Prime Rib!

Q: What's the integral of (1/cabin)d(cabin)?
A: A natural log cabin!

Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar?
A: An Algorithm

Q: What do you call an angle that is adorable?
A: acute angle

Q: Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
A: It was a 'mean' thing to say!

Q: Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?
A: He was better at fitting curves than hitting them

Q: Why did the polynomial plant die?
A: Its roots were imaginary.

Q: Why does nobody talk to circles?
A: Because there is no point!

Q: Why did the two 4's skip lunch?
A: They already 8!

Q: Why didn't Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
A: It was too cubed

Q: What did one Calculus book say to the other?
A: Don't bother me I've got my own problems!

Q: Which triangles are the coldest?
A: Ice-sosceles triangles

LLB Class

LL.B. Class:

Professor: "If you have to give an orange to me, what will you say?"

Student: 😏"Take this orange."

Prof: 😡"No. Say it like a lawyer would."

Student: "I, Ramakrishna, son of Satyamurthy resident of Bangalore, Karnataka do hereby solemnly affirm & voluntarily & consciously declare out of my volition & without any fear or favour or pressure or undue influence, that I'm giving this fruit called 'orange' on which I have absolute right, title and interest, along with its peel, juice, seed and pulp.
I am also giving you absolute and unqualified right and interest to cut, peel, store in freeze or eat it.
You will also have the right to give this along with its peel, juice, seed or pulp to any one whosoever.
I further declare that I will be solely responsible and liable for any dispute till today pertaining to this orange. And after this conveyance today, my relationship with this orange will cease to exist."

Prof: "My Lordship, where are your feet....!!"

😛😛😛