Politicians are always Politicians

πŸ˜€Politicians are always Politicians πŸ˜€

Classic example of honest politician..
A Businessman went to see a politician to get his work done.
He said "Sir, we want to present you a Brand new car in lieu of the approval for our work"...

Minister : No .... No ... No.... I don't want to get it free.
I want to give some money for this car .....

Businessman after high persuasion agreed and said okay sir ! Please give one rupee.

The minister did not have change and gave two rupee coin.

Businessman jokingly said : sorry sir, I have no change of one rupee to return ...

Minister : No problem.....
You give me another car for my wife....

The Judge and the drunkard

The Judge and the drunkard

The Judge addressed the drunkard,
"You have been brought here for drinking."

Drunkard, "Thank you very much your honour. Let's start."

All, present in the court, burst out laughing.

Banging the gavel, the Judge said, "Order."

Drunkard, "For me CHILLED BEER with KAJU please."

A Capitalist Economy

A Capitalist Economy

I took my suit to the cleaners, who wanted to charge me $45.

Instead, I gave my suit to the charity shop next door.

They cleaned and pressed it, and put it in the window.

I bought it for $12.50!

Dont Underestimate Women

Ganapathy retired from bank service as Senior Manager. Got handsome retirement benefits.
He deposited around 50 lacs in Mutual Funds and debt funds.
25 lacs he kept in SB account itself, as his pension was sufficient for him and his wife. He included his wife's name in his savings account and taught her online banking and the importance of OTP... He told her not to divulge OTP to anyone.

One evening Ganpathy returned from walk.
'I forgot to take my mobile...By the way, anything important?' he asked.

Wife said 'Someone phoned from the bank'

Ganapathy froze.

'Regarding OTP?' He asked shockingly .

Wife said 'You are smart. Of course they wanted me to share the OTP as they wanted to convert our account from silver status to diamond status with more benefits'

'My God..did you get an OTP? Did you share it?'

'Of course..when it is the bank people calling how can I refuse?'

Ganapathy slumped on the sofa. He immediately took the mobile, logged into bank account, with a heart pounding like a jet motorset, murmuring "You idiot... 25 lacs gone"

But he was pleasantly surprised to see not only 25 lacs was safe, but also the SB interest was added to it.

"Did you share the OTP correctly?" he asked the wife..

"Yes. But the bank people repeatedly said that it is not correct and asked me to re-check. I stood my ground."

"What was the OTP?"

"It was 2404. Since it is a joint account, I 'shared' only my half of the OTP.... that is 1202"

Dont underEstimate women.πŸ₯°

Help from God

Help from God

A very poor woman with a small family called-in to a radio station asking for help from God.

A non-believer man who was also listening to this radio program decided to make fun of the woman.

He got her address, called his secretary and ordered her to buy a large amount of foodstuffs and take to the woman.

However, he sent it with the following instruction:
"When the woman asks who sent the food, tell her that its from the devil."

When the secretary arrived at the woman's house,
the woman was so happy and grateful for the help that had been received.
She started putting the food inside her small house.

The Secretary then asked her,
"Don't you want to know who sent the food?"

The woman replied,
"No, Say thanks to whomever sent this!
I don't care who the person is because when GOD orders,
even the devil obeys"!

The healing kiss

The healing kiss

The healing kiss

A lovely dovey couple are sitting on a bench in the park and
she says,
"My ear huts me..."

He kisses it gently and asks,
"Is it better now, my darling?"

"It's all gone,"
giggles the girl,
"but now I have a pain here."
and she points to her cheek.

The boy kisses it tenderly and asks,
"Better now, sweet pea?"

"It's all healed, my love!
But now I have a very bad pain here."
she replies and points to her neck.

"Excuse me,"
politely interrupts an old man from a neighboring bench,
"This is really impressive!
Do you heal hemorrhoids as well?"

Do you think you'll live to be 80

Do you think you'll live to be 80

I recently picked a new primary care physician.
After two visits and exhaustive lab tests,
he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him,
"Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

I said, "No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"

No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of love?"

"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."

He looked at me and said,
"Then why do you give a hoot if you live to be 80?

Johnny and the Penguin

Johnny and the Penguin

Johnny pulled into his driveway with a penguin on the back of his 4 x 4.

Curious, his neighbour Murphy walked over to see what was up.
“What’s with the penguin?” Murphy asked.

Johnny said, “I found him on the side of the road.
I don’t really know what to do with him.”

“You should take him to the zoo, of course!” said Murphy.

Johnny agreed and Murphy retired back to his house.

The next day, Murphy was out watering his lawn when he saw Johnny pull into his driveway with the penguin still in the back of his truck.

Murphy walked over and said, “I thought you said you were taking the penguin to the zoo!”

“I did,” said Johnny. “We had a great time together.
Tomorrow I’m taking him to see a movie”πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Changing Bad Habit to make Wife Happy

Changing Bad Habit to make wife happy

For past 20 years, my wife has been complaining about me not putting the cap back on the toothpaste.

This anniversary, I decided to change this bad habit to make my wife happy.

For a week, I was diligent, always capping the toothpaste after brushing my teeth.

I was expecting my wife to at least notice and maybe even thank me, but she never did.

Finally, last night, she turned to me in bed, looked at me and said...
"Why have you stopped brushing your teeth?"

Icing on the Cupcakes

Icing on the Cupcakes

A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law for the holidays.

As he arrived at their house he found his young nephew, Timmy, helping them bake some cupcakes:

After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Timmy to put the icing on.

When the boy had finished, he brought them to the table.

"The cupcakes look delicious, Tim." his uncle said.
He took a bite and said.
"Timmy these are so good."

As he finished cupcake and took another, he again complimented his little nephew.
"The cupcakes look beautiful, Tim," his uncle said.

"How did you get the icing so neat?"

His nephew replied. "It was easy. I just licked them."

The uncle turned pale.
He pointed to the plate of cupcakes.
"You licked all of these?"

Timmie replied,
"Well no. After a while my tongue got tired, and I got the dog to help." 🀣

Theory of Relativity

Theory of Relativity

Do not keep roasted peanuts in a transparent jar,
they will disappear fast.

But if you keep roasted cashews
in a transparent jar next to the peanut jar,
peanuts will last longer.

However, if you add a third element..
A bottle of whiskey nearby...
All three will disappear in no time...

Please try...

To Be 28 Again

"To Be 28 Again!"πŸ˜‹
A man in his late 40s was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked her what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be 28 again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On her birthday, he rose early, made her a nice cup of coffee and then took her to Adventure World Theme park on a bike. He put her on every ride in the Park like the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything...

Oh, what a Day...

5 hours later they staggered out of the Theme Park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to the most exotic restaurant where they ate and danced like never before. Then, it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda and her favorite chocolate. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into the sofa, totally exhausted.

He looked at his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being 28 again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed, ‘I meant my waist size, u idiot !!!"

New Research - Whiskey produces female hormones in men

This is alarming !
Whiskey produces female hormones in men !

Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!
Montreal University scientists revealed this.

Men should take a concerned look at their Whiskey consumption.
The theory is that Whiskey contains female hormone producing agents (it contains phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough Whiskey men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 cups of Whiskey each within a one (1) hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally,
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary

Send this to all the men you know to warn them about drinking too much Whiskey

Imagination of Husband

Imagination of Husband

Husband: Last night, in your sleep, you were using abusive language against me.

Wife: That was your imagination.

Husband: What imagination?

Wife: That I was asleep.

A Perfect Man

A Perfect Man

- wakes up at 5 am everyday
- exercises everyday
- makes his own bed
- cleans his room
- works sincerely
- does not touch alcohol
- helps in the kitchen
- does not indulge in night life
- is always punctual
- prays daily
- reads
- hits the bed at 9 pm sharp.

These men are found in Central jail.