One motorist jumped the Stop Signal

One motorist jumped the Stop signal.

Taking advantage of the situation,
five motorists behind him followed and jumped the signal.

The Traffic Sergeant on the other side let go the first motorist but challaned the five who followed him.

One among them furiously asked the police why they didn’t stop the first motorist.

Police said,
"He is our Marketing person and his job is to jump signals to tempt you guys so that we can reach our daily penalty collection target."

Police rocks.

A speeding older woman

A speeding older woman

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license, please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please?

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for backup. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle, please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there e a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you, ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.🤣🤣🤣

Police check for drunk driving

Last night I was returning from a party. I was high and saw there was a Police checking. Was scared at that very moment but then immediately got down from the driving seat and sat on the back seat.
After few mins. an officer came and asked me to move my car ahead for alcohol test.

I said: "My driver ran away seeing you."

He said: "Then you move your car ahead for the checking."

I said: "No sir, as a true Indian citizen I should not drive, drunk."

Officer looked at me, got emotional and applauded me for my responsible behaviour..
He sent one constable with me to drive my car home.

Kaun kehta hai peene k baad dimag kaam nahi karta ?
😜😜😜

How to calculate age

Officer: Madam I need to complete this form...
what is your husbands age, n what is your age?
Lady: when we got married my husband was 25n I was only 18
Now he is 50 yrs old that is double....so accordingly I am 36...🤨🤔🤗
The officer is still calculating🤣

Cop after a BMW

A man in his 40’s bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100…

Then the reality of the situation hit him. “What the hell am I doing?” he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

“It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”

The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.”

“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer.

Moral : Never Argue with a Woman

😂😂🤣🤣😃😃😜😛😝

A woman went fishing in a no fishing zone . She eventually got tired, so she sat, packed her fishing gear & started reading a book.

A Policeman came & said: Mam, u r in "NO" fishing Zone.

She replied: "I am reading,not fishing."

The policeman said: "But u have all equipment & u might start anytime."

The woman shouted back: "I’m not fishing here and now u r sexually harassing me."

Shocked policeman replied: "I am not doing anything!"

She smiled: "You have all the equipment & might start
anytime!"

Moral : Never Argue with a Woman!!

A Perfect Man

A Perfect Man

A Perfect Man

- wake up at 5am everyday
- exercises everyday
- makes his own bed
- cleans his room
- works sincerely
- does not touch alcohol
- help in the kitchen
- does not indulge in night life
- is always punctual
- prays daily
- reads
- hits the bed at 9pm sharp

Where do you find such Perfect Men ?

Answer : Tihar Jail.. 😉

True Account recorded in the Police log of Florida

😆😆😆😆😆😆😝😝😝😝😝😉

Get Out Of The Car!

This is a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"

The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.

She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing.

He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

The moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment ... make it memorable.

😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😬😬😬

Don't mess with old people

George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turnoff the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"

He said "No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me."

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available"

George said, "Okay."

He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now," and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

(True Story)

Don't mess with old people. A few chuckles for seniors.

Police aur Patni mein 12 Samantaye

पुलिस और पत्नी में 12 समानताएं :-
1. ना इनकी दोस्ती अच्छी और ना ही दुश्मनी।
2. इनसे बनाकर रखना, मजबूरी है।
3. इनका मूड पता ही नहीं चलता, कब बिगड़ जाए।
4. अगर वे प्यार से बात करें तो अलर्ट हो जाएं।
5. दोनों ही खतरनाक धमकी देते हैं।
6. इनसे बहस में जीतना मुश्किल ही नहीं, नामुमकिन है।
7. ये पिछला हिसाब याद रखते हैं।
8. अपने राज कभी नहीं खोलते।
9. इनको जबर्दस्ती तारीफ चाहिए।
10. सुन भले ही आपकी लें पर करेंगे अपने मन की ही।
11. दोनों ही रौब से काम लेते हैं।
12. इनकी नजर हमेशा आपकी जेब पर रहती है।
सूचना जनहित में जारी !

Ek policewala checking kar raha tha

एक पुलिस वाला रास्ते में चेकिंग कर रहा था तभी
सामने से एक आदमी आता दिखा।
.
पुलिस वाले ने उससे पूछा कि इस लाल बैग में क्या है?😎
.
आदमी ने कहा बताते हैं बताते हैं, 😕
.
पुलिस वाले ने फिर पूछा क्या है,😈😈
.
आदमी ने फिर कहा बताते हैं बताते हैं,
.
पुलिस वाले को थोड़ा शक हुआ और वह उसे थाने ले आया।
.
थाने में बम डिफ्यूज करने वालों को बुलाकर उसका
बैग खुलवाया तो उसमें बताशे निकले।
.
पुलिस वाले ने उससे कहा कि इसमें बताशे हैं तुम
बोल क्यों नहीं रहे थे।😕
.
आदमी ने कहा कि इत्ती देल से यही तो तह लहा
था ती इतमें बताते हैं बताते हैं। 😂 😂 😂 😂

Five old ladies in the car

Sitting on the side of the highway, waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 KPH.
Says he to himself: "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
He turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies in the car, two in the front seat and three in the back ... with eyes wide open and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says: "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving much slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? - No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two kilometres an hour!" ... the old woman says a bit proudly.
The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 is the highway number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error.
"But, before I let you go Ma'am, I have to ask... is everyone in this car OK - because these women seem awfully shaken, and they haven't made a peep this whole time," 
The officer said. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Highway 189."

You will love the answer

A coffin maker was on his way to deliver one of his coffins one night when his car broke down.
Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.
Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some easy money off him (bribe) so they challenged him
"Hey, what are you carrying and where are you going"?
The man replied
(You will love the answer)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

"I did not like where I was buried so I am relocating" . . . . . . . .🔥😳😱😛

The policemen Fainted..!

🔥😱😂😊

Speeding Senior Citizen

A senior citizen drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror , he saw a police car behind him.
He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 170, ...
Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !"
So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him .
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said,
"Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes.
Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend.
If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before for why you were speeding.
I'll let U go."
The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :-
"Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!
The Cop left saying,
" Have a good day, Sir "

Woman shot her Husband

2 beat cops call the crime branch on telephone to give feed back on a homicide case....
Cop : Hello. Crime branch?
CB : Yes
Cop : This is sgnt John. We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean.
CB : Have u arrested the woman?
Cop : No sir. The floor is still wet.
😜😂😂

Tata Nano breaks down

A Tata Nano breaks down on a roadside.
A man in a BMW 750Li... stops to help the Nano driver.
"I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your head-lights"
They start up slowly but only a km or so down the line a sporty Porsche car speeds past at 150km/hr....
The BMW drivers ego is hurt, he totally forgets about the little Nano towed behind & races after the Porsche...
Just as all 3 of them fly & tear through a speed trap, the traffic cop radios his HeadQuarters:
"Calling all stations :: You won't believe this, I just saw a BMW & a Porsche racing past at about 195km/hr, with a Tata-Nano right behind & madly flashing its lights to Overtake them..!?!?!

 😅😅😆😆