He is an Atheist and doesn't believe in Hell

A young girl comes home from a date looking rather sad.

Her mother asks her what’s wrong.
She says, “Harry proposed to me an hour ago.”

Her mother asks, “Why are you so sad then?”

The girl replies, “Because, he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a Hell.”

Her mother says, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and
inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son,
"You bring your grades up from a C to a B average,
study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut.
Then we'll talk about the car."

The boy thought about that for a moment,
decided he'd settle for the offer,
and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said,
"Son, you've brought your grades up and
I've observed that you have been studying your Bible,
but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."

The boy said,
"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that and
I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair,
John the Baptist had long hair,
Moses had long hair,
and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."

(You're going to love the Dad's reply!)
"Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went .. ?"

Icing on the Cupcakes

Icing on the Cupcakes

A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law for the holidays.

As he arrived at their house he found his young nephew, Timmy, helping them bake some cupcakes:

After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Timmy to put the icing on.

When the boy had finished, he brought them to the table.

"The cupcakes look delicious, Tim." his uncle said.
He took a bite and said.
"Timmy these are so good."

As he finished cupcake and took another, he again complimented his little nephew.
"The cupcakes look beautiful, Tim," his uncle said.

"How did you get the icing so neat?"

His nephew replied. "It was easy. I just licked them."

The uncle turned pale.
He pointed to the plate of cupcakes.
"You licked all of these?"

Timmie replied,
"Well no. After a while my tongue got tired, and I got the dog to help." 🤣

Reasons to get beaten in old days

Reasons to get beaten in old days

Children Of Today Don't Even Know That
In Our Days You Could Be Beaten
For Any Of The Following Reason

1. Crying too long after being beaten
2. Not crying after being beaten
3. Crying without being beaten
4. Standing where elders are sitting
5. Sitting while elders are standing
6. Walking around aimlessly where elders are seated
7. Eating food prepared for visitors
8. Refusing to eat
9. Coming back home after sunset
10. Eating at the neighbour's home
11. Generally being too moody
12. Generally being too excited
13. Losing a fight with older age mate
14. Winning a fight with your age mate
15. Eating too slowly
16. Eating too quickly
17. Eating too much
18. Not finishing your food
19. Finishing your food and scraping your plate
20. Eating and talking
21. Sleeping while the elders in the house have already woken up
22. Looking at the visitors while they are eating
23. Stumbling and falling when walking
24. Looking at an elder eye ball to eye ball
25. When an elder is talking to you and you blink
26. When an elder is talking to you and you stare and not blink
27. When you look at an elder through the corner of your eye
28. When your mates are playing street football and you join them
29. When your mates are playing and you don’t join them
30. When you don't wash your dish after eating
31. When you wash your dish improperly
32. When you almost break your dish
33. When you break your dish
34. When you bite your nails.
35. When you don't bath🛀.
36. When you bath🛀 too quickly
37. When you take too long to bath🛀.
38. When you’re beaten in school for misbehaving
39. When a car almost knocks you down
40. When a car knocks you down and you don’t die!
41. For not answering when spoken to
42. For answering back when spoken to.
43. Beaten for going to Temple late.
44. Beaten for borrowing shoe/wears from friends.
45. When you don't like the dress chosen by mother
46. When you finally select the same dress chosen by her😪
47. When you write the same ambiguous answers as suggested by teachers
48. When you write the correct answer instead of teacher's wrong notes
49. When the parents have a fight or there is something between elders in the house
50. Beaten for no reason

Some of these reasons for beating a child may appear far-fetched today but they sure did happen and they were the norm that shaped the adults of today.
Kudos to Indian parents.

Two old ladies Dolly and Ruby

Two Old Ladies talking about their grandchildren

Two old ladies Dolly and Ruby were talking about their grandchildren.

Dolly said, "Each year I send each of my grandchildren a card with a generous check inside. I never hear from them... never receive a thank you message."

Ruby replies, "I too send my grandchildren a very generous check. I hear from them within a week after they receive it. In fact they each pay me a personal visit."

"Wow! How come ?" remarked Dolly.

"Very simple solution... I don't sign the check!"

Drunkard Advice to his son

Drunkard Advice to his son

The drunkard told his son at the BAR:
'My dear son, since drink is in the genes, you too will take to drinking; of that, there is no doubt. But, you should drink moderately like me and should know when to stop'

'How to know that, dad?'- Son asked.

'Er, well, look at that table at the corner. Three people are sitting and drinking. You should stop when they appear as six people. Double the actual number is the limit...Got it?'

'But dad,' said the son,' there’s only one man sitting there.'

Difference between Wife and Girlfriend

Difference between Wife and Girlfriend

A grandson, notices his grandpa looked rather tense so to break the ice, he asks his grandpa one question while on the way back from school....

What is the difference between 'Wife' and 'Girlfriend?'

Grandpa thought for a minute and Simplified the explanation like this ;

Listen Son ,

Wife is like a TV and Girlfriend is like a MOBILE.

At home  you watch TV,
but when you go out you take your MOBILE.

Sometimes you enjoy TV, but most of the time, you play with your MOBILE!!!

TV is (as good as) free for life, but for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated.

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old,
But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy, replaceable and portable.

Operational costs for TV is often acceptable
but for the MOBILE, it is often high and demanding.

TV has a remote
but MOBILE doesn't.

Most importantly, MOBILE is a two-way communication (you talk and listen), but with the TV, you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not)!😝

Last but not least!
Yet TVs are superior because TVs don't have viruses, but MOBILES often do😂

And mobiles can be easily hacked or stolen.

Take Care
Stick to TV only
Issued in Public interest!
😃😂😄

Dangerous Dosti

Dangerous Dosti: 👬👬👬👬👬

I reached home late and dad asked me 👴: "Where were you?"

Me: "Was in friend's🏡 house."

In front of me, dad called 10 of my friends ☎.

4 of them said: "Yes uncle, he was here".

2 said: "he just left, uncle".

3 of them said: "He is here only Uncle, 📖 studying. Shall I give him the phone?"

1 of them went an extra mile to say "Yes dad, tell me what happened? "!!!
😂😂😂😂😂😂

Newly Married Bahu

Fantastic One.
Newly married bahu is avoiding the kitchen.
Sensing her hesitation, mom-in-law exhorts her:
Go, beti. Prepare whatever you are best at.
After some clinks and clatter,
the bahu calls from the kitchen:
Mummyji, you prefer yours with soda or water...???

Whom u like more - Muma or Papa

Papa - ☺ Whom u like more
Muma or Papa..??

Kid - 😒 Both

Papa - 😐 No tell me 1..?

Kid - 😒 Both

Papa - 😉 If i go to America &
Your Mother go to Paris
Where will u go.?

Kid - 😒 Paris..

Papa - 😕 It Means You Like
Your Mother..?

Kid - 😒 No, Because Paris is
Beautiful than America..

Papa - 😌 If i go to Paris &
Your Mother goes to America
so Where will you go.??

Kid - 😒 America..

Papa - 😳 Why.?

Kid - 😏 Paris already seen na Papa.

Papa - 😡 Jaa bey
Maa key Chamche 🍴 Jaa
School Jaa...

😂😂😂😂

Moral: Never give a man a job that doesn't belong to him

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their child looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the child is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you

Husband: What’s up?

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our child.

Husband: Well you don’t remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had wet its diapers and you said, "Please go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here."

That's when I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there.🤔

Moral: Never give a man a job that doesn't belong to him.😂

An old lady following at a supermarket

I was walking through the supermarket to pick up a few things when I noticed an old lady following me around.
Thinking nothing of it, I ignored her and continued on. Finally I went to the checkout line, but she got in front of me.
“Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look like my son, who just died recently.”

“I’m very sorry,” I said to her, “Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Yes,” she said, “As I’m leaving, can you say ‘Good bye, Mom?’ It would make me feel so much better.”
“Sure,” I said. An odd request, but no harm would come of it.
As the old woman was leaving, I called out, “Good Bye, Mom!”
As I stepped up to the checkout counter, I saw that my total was 28,768.50.
“How can that be?” I asked, “I only purchased a few things!”
“Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the clerk.

Height of sharing

Height of sharing...

An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant. They order one hamburger, one order of fries and one drink.

The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one pile in front of his wife.

He takes a sip of the drink, his wife takes a sip and then sets the cup down between them.

As he begins to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and whispering `That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.`

As the man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table. He politely offers to buy another meal for the old couple.

The old man replies that they`re just fine - they`re just used to sharing everything.

The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman says `No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.`

As the old man finishes and was wipes his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again comes over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asks `May I ask what is it you are waiting for?`
The old woman answers...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

THE TEETH.

🙏🤧

Conversation between Old Men

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there nothing comes out."

"Ah, that's nothing," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.

"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."

"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"

"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."

Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00."

I am a Bible Scholar

A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out more about the young man. The father invites the fiancee to his study to find out more about him.
"So what are your plans?" the father asks.
"I am a bible scholar" the young man replies.
"A bible scholar, huh", the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice home for my daughter to live in, as she is used to having?"
The young man replies, "I will study and God will provide for us."
"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, which she deserves?" asks the father.
"I will concentrate on my studies and God provide for us," replies the young man.
The conversation proceeds in this manner, which each question the father asks, the young man replies that God will provide.
Later, the mother asks, "How did the conversation go?"
The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is that he thinks I am God." 😀 😀 😀

Is your daddy home ?

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. ' Hello ? '
'Is your daddy home?' he asked.
Yes ,
whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?'
The child whispered, ' No .'
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mummy there?' Yes
'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered,
' No '
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'
whispered the child
Yes, a policeman.
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'
whispered the child.
No, he's busy,
'Busy doing what?'came the whispered answer.
' Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman, Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'answered the whispering voice. A helicopter
'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered,
The search team just landed a helicopter '
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...
' ME. '

A married man goes to the Police Station

A man Goes to the Police Station with His Head Bleeding badly
Police officer: What Happened ?
Man: my Wife Hit me !!
Police officer: Why ?
Man : Her Parents Came Over, She asked me to Get Something from Outside for them.
I brought a Taxi for Them
😂😅😇😇😇😬

Art of Parenting !

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your haircut. Then we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."

The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."

(You're going to love the Dad's reply!)

"Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"
☺

Art of Parenting!

I used to like that little boy

I was having trouble with my computer.
So I called David, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

David clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID Ten T error?
What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

David grinned, "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No", I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like that little boy.

Groom asked for a wedding gift from Bride's Father

Towards the end of a wedding, the bride's father approached the groom and said,
"Son, I received your last minute WhatsApp message asking me for your wedding gift.
I found your request a bit strange, but I have to fulfill your wish regardless.
Here's the packet of Four Underwear you asked for."

The groom was startled, then looked at his message again...
In a rage, he smashed his iPhone on the floor...
"Bloody Autocorrect! It was supposed to be *Ford Endeavour*'!!"
😆😆😅😅😂😂😜😜😃