Experts Talk in Social Media and Television

After a Morning walk, a Group of Doctors were standing at a road-side Restaurant enjoying a Cup of Tea..

They saw a Man limping towards them..

One Doctor said, "he has Arthritis in his Left Knee.."

The second said, "he has Plantar Faciitis.."

The third said, "just an Ankle Sprain.."

The fourth said, "see that Man cannot lift his Knee, he looks to have Lower Motor Neurons.."

"But to me he seems a Hemiplegia Scissors Gait," said the fifth..

Before the sixth could proclaim his Diagnosis, the Man reached the Group and asked,
"Is there a Cobbler nearby who can repair my Slipper.?"

This is exactly how the Experts talk in Social Media & Television on all issue these days..!!

😁😝😂😁😝😂

Surgeon and Poker

A well-respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work.

As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang:
The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.....

"We need a fourth for poker." Said the friend.

"I'll be right over." Whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked. "Is it serious?"

"Oh yes, quite serious." Said the doctor gravely. "In fact, three doctors are there already!"

Advice for retirees

Advice for retirees

Yesterday, I consulted my doctor at his clinic.
After learning that i just retired recently,
the doctor gave me the following health advices:

1. You must walk more often.
2. Avoid soft drink, beer or liquor.
3. Drink more plain water.
4. Avoid driving. Take public transport.
5. Avoid dining out, eat home.
6. Take less meat and seafood; eat more vegetables

I asked: "Doctor, may I know what is wrong with me?"

He replied: "You have no salary."

Psychiatrist vs Bartender

Psychiatrist vs Bartender

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.

So I went to a shrink and told him:
“I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.”

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink.
“Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”

“How much do you charge?”

“One hundred fifty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.

“I’ll sleep on it,” I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street.

“Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.

“Well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year, is $23,400.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought a new pickup truck.”

“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.”

It’s always better to get a second opinion.

Medico legal jokes of the day

Medico legal jokes of the day

A recent article in the Times reported that a woman,
Anita Patel, has sued a reputed Hospital,
saying that after her husband had surgery there,
he lost all interest in me.

A hospital spokesman replied in court:
Mr. Patel was admitted for cataract surgery.
All we did was corrected his eyesight.

Trust the Vet

Trust the Vet !

A distraught man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog in his arms shouting for help.
Seeing this the vet immediately rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table.
The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his sadly his beloved pet has passed away.
The man is understandably extremely emotional and is not willing to accept this and demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down beside the dog.
The cat sniffs the dog and walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog.
Finally the cat looks at the vet, shakes it's head slowly and meows.
The vet looks at the man and says,
"I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."
The man is extremely upset and is still not prepared to accept that his beloved pet is gone.
Shaking his head the vet next brings in a black labrador from the other room.
The labrador labrador sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet, shakes it's head sadly and barks once.
The vet looks at the man and says,
"Look, I'm sorry, but the labrador thinks your dog is gone as well."
The man is finally resigned to the situation and thanks the vet for his help.
Once he has composed himself he asks the vet how much he owes for the visit.
The vet says,
"The total bill will be £1550"
Shocked, the man says
"£1550!!!"
"Just for telling me that my dog was dead?"
"That's completely outrageous!"
Exclaimed the man.
"Well"
The vet replies,
"I would only have charged you £50 for the initial diagnosis but you weren't happy with that and asked for further extensive testing to confirm the initial prognosis and I'm afraid that doesn't come cheap...."
Somewhat confused by this the man responded,
"Extensive Testing! Extensive Testing!"
"What extensive testing?"
The vet says,
"The additional £1500 was for the cat scan and the lab tests."

How to get a free Hair Cut !

Doctor was chasing a patient, in the hospital ward.

Matron stops the doctor and asks why he was running after the patient.

Doctor said, "Every two months, this patient comes for brain surgery. After the haircut, he runs away."
😂😂

Three Surgeons and the best Patient

Three Surgeons and the best Patient

Three surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon said,
"Electricians are the best, everything inside is color coded."
The second surgeon said,
"No, I think librarians are, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The third surgeon shut them up when he said,
"You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no brains, and  no spine. Plus, the head and the butt are interchangeable..."

Go talk to your friend

Classic one
😀😀😀

Ever since Robert was a child, he had a fear of someone under his bed at night.

So he went to a Psychiatrist and told him "I've got problems.
Every time I go to bed
I think there's somebody under it.
I'm scared.
I think I'm going crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year", said the psychiatrist.

"Come, talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge?"

'$200 per visit,' replied
the doctor.

'I'll think of it and if needed I will come back to you,'
Robert said.

Six months later he met the Psychiatrist on the street.

'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, $200 a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money!

A Indian friend of mine cured me for the price of one plate biryani and a bottle of coke.

I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought myself a new SUV".

'Is that so!' with a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did the friend cure you?'

He told me to
"Sell the bed and sleep on a Mattress on the floor."

Moral:

TO HELL WITH THOSE PSYCHIATRISTS..
GO TALK TO YOUR friend.

There is always a Indian way to solve a difficult problem...
😜😀😀

Reunion Special

Absolutely brilliant joke.  After a long time, i could really relish an intelligent joke :
Reunion Special: Read it😀😊😬😳

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "surely I can't look that old.". Well . . . you'll love this one..The stuff is from a lady called ......

"My name is ....... I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his BDS degree on the wall, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall , handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 25-odd years ago.

Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended St Xavier's high school.

"Yes. yes, I did.' he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1987. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!!!!", I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then,
that
ugly,
old,
bald,
wrinkled faced,
gray-haired,
decrepit,
idiot,
asked,

"What subject did you teach" ?" 😍😍😍😛😛

How long do you use your toothbrush ?

A Dentist was conducting a survey-
*"How long do you use your Toothbrush...?"*

Chinese:
"3 months...!"

American:
"1 month...!!"

Indian:
"There is no fixed time limit doctor, may be years...!!! Initially we use it for *brushing* our teeth; then we use it for *dying our hair, cleaning comb, cleaning ornaments, cleaning machine parts of our vehicles, cleaning the dirt in between two tiles in bathroom etc etc*. Then when there are no bristles left on the brush, we do not throw it doctor. we start  using it for *pushing 'Naada' in our Chaddis, Pajamas & Petticoats...!!!"*

Dentist fainted.
🤪😂

Who wants to live for 100 years !

A 60-year-old man is getting his annual physical:
- Doc, do you think I'll live another 40 years so I can reach 100?
- That depends," says the doctor. Do you smoke?
- No
- Do you drink?
- No
- Do you fool around with loose women?
- Of course not
- Well, then, why the hell do you want to live for another 40 years?

Free Advice from a Doctor and a Lawyer

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer,
"What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

Why Ladies Hate Doctors

Why Ladies Hate Doctors

Before giving Anesthesia Doctor asked Lady: " Whats Your Age Madam? "
Lady : 24 years!

Doctor : Madam are you sure this is correct age? Because the amount of Anesthesia will depend up on your age.
Lady : 30 years!

Doctor : Look Madam.. it's upto u. Lesser amount of Anesthesia could wake u up during operation and u could go into comma as well.
Lady : 38..

Doctor : ( Once again..) Look Madam.. if u are not gonna tell me ur real age then wrong amount of Anesthesia will directly affect your livers and they may fail as well.

Lady , screamed and said : "49! That's it, I am not gonna change my age any further even though my dead body comes out of the operation Theater."
😝😝😀😀🤣

Bina bani Dentist

एक लडकी 🙋🏻 थी,
उसका नाम बीना था।

वह बहुत होशियार 💃🏻 थी,
वह दांत की डॉक्टर बनी।

उसने अपना दवाखाना खोला,
ओर दवाखाने के बाहर अपना नाम लीखा,

बीना दांत का दवाखाना.....

😁😂😁😂😁😂😁😂😁😂

There is always another way to solve a problem.

Ever since Rob was a child, he had a fear of someone under his bed at night. So he went to a Psychiatrist and told him, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year", said the psychiatrist. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge?"

'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.

'I'll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you,' Rob said.

Six months later he met the Psychiatrist on the street.

'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV".

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed - ain't nobody under there now!

FORGET THOSE PSYCHIATRISTS.. GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER. There is always another way to solve a problem.😜😜

Doctor with Depression Patient

डॉक्टर : डिप्रेशन की पेशेंट से-
क्या तकलीफ़ है..?

लेडी पेशेंट : सर, दिमाग में बहुत उल्टे पुलटे विचार आते हैं, रुकते ही नहीं…

डॉक्टर : कैसे विचार आते हैं ..?

लेडी पेशेंट : जैसे अब मैं यहाँ आई हूँ तो आपके ओपीडी में एक भी पेशेंट नहीं था.. तो मैं सोचने लगी कि डॉक्टर साहब के पास कोई भी पेशेंट नहीं है, इनकी कमाई कैसे होगी, घर कैसे चलेगा, इतना पैसा डाला पढ़ाई में, अब क्या करेंगे.. हॉस्पिटल बनाने में भी बहुत पैसा लगाया होगा, अब लोन कैसे चुकाएंगे ? कहीं किसानों के माफ़िक लटक तो नहीं जाएंगे एक दिन…!! ऐसे कुछ भी विचार आते रहते हैं…

अब डॉक्टर डिप्रेशन मे है। 😀 😛

A patient after Injury visited his Doctor

A patient after Injury visited his Doctor
He gave some pills and wrote on case paper
History - he had 'Pholenfrometry'

The worried patient, though relieved met several specialists to get his diagnosis of 'Pholenfrometry' cleared...
Finally he called up his old Doctor to ask, when he replied
"You yourself told me you had "Fallen from a Tree", That's it!

Moral for Doctors - Don't use own made up abbreviations and short forms, write History properly

Bhai's one leg had turned blue

Bhai's one leg had turned blue..
He went to the doctor...

Doctor: Poison has spread pasha bhai. The leg needs to be amputated.

Operation took place and pasha bhai's one leg was removed.

After few days, another leg turned blue.

Doctor: Poison has widely spread. We need to amputate this leg too.

Now pasha bhai had two artificial legs fixed.

After few days, artificial leg turned blue too..

Doctor: Now I understand your problem. Pasha bhai, your lungi is leaving color...

A Sindhi went to a Dentist

A Sindhi went to a dentist for tooth extraction and first enquired about cost.
Dentist said 1200 ,
the Sindhi thought it was too much.
After some thought,
he asked about cheaper methods.
The dentist said Yes,
it can be done without anesthesia and will cost only Rs.300,
but it would be very very painful.
Sindhi said ok Dr,
do it without anesthesia.
The dentist removed the tooth without anesthesia and during the entire procedure the Sindhi sat quietly, even smiling a little.
The dentist was not only surprised but was quite impressed and said
I have never seen such a brave patient like you.
I don't even want my fees,
here,
instead take this Rs.500 as a reward, you've taught me such a powerful lesson today about mastering one's pain and feelings !!
In the evening he met his fellow dentists and told everyone about his amazing Sindhi patient.
Out of all doctors, one doctor jumped up and shouted that rascal Sindhi first came to me
😤
I gave him anesthesia and asked him to wait outside for half an hour !
After half an hour when I called him he had left !!!!