A Lonely Frog

A Lonely Frog

A lonely little frog is fed up being alone so he phones the Psychic Hotline and asks what his future holds.

His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him:
"You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled to hear this great news,
"This is great!"
Says the frog,
"Will I meet her at a party?"
He croaks.

"No..."
Says the psychic,
"... in biology class"

One Liner Puns

One Liner Puns

Dedicated to the Connoisseurs of Puns....

How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side.
😍
I have a few jokes about unemployed people....
but none of them work.
😍
How do you make holy water?
You take some water & boil the hell out of it.
😍
Will glass coffins be a success?
Remains to be seen.
😍
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm.
One asks, “what’s your favorite kind of music?”
The other says, “I'm a big metal fan”.
😍
Heard about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu, you get what you deserve.
😍
I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday...
but couldn't find any.
😍
What do you call a bee that can’t quite make up its mind?
A maybe.
😍
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
😍
If and when everything is coming your way.....
you're in the wrong lane.
😍
She had a photographic memory...
but never developed it.
😍
Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today?
I don't know and don't really care.
😍
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant.....
but then I changed my mind.
😍
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?
Ireland, of course, it’s Dublin everyday.
😍
My ex-wife still misses me....
but her aim is starting to improve.
😍
The guy who invented the door knocker got a.....
No-bell prize.
😍
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought....
“that’s the last thing i need !”
😍
Need an ark???
I Noah guy.
😍
I used to be indecisive.....
Now i'm not so sure.
😍
Sleeping comes so naturally to me that......
I can do it with my eyes closed.
😍
What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Nothing. But, it let out a little whine.
😍
What do you call a very articulate dinosaur with a good vocabulary?
A Thesaurus, of course.
😍
Last, but not least,
What happens when you boil a funny bone?
You get a laughing stock
😅😅🤣🤣
Have an enjoyable day 😂😂

Worth of Husband

WORTH OF HUSBAND

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
Sophie asks a taxi driver:
"How much does it cost to take me to the airport?"
- 250 bucks

"What if we take my husband too?"
- Same 250 bucks.

Sophie turns to John:
-Haven’t I told you, you are actually worthless...??
😝😝🤣🤣😝😝🤣🤣

Dont Drink and Drive during Christmas and New Year

Hi Friends,

Please don't 🥃Drink & 🚘 Drive during Christmas 🎄 & New Year’s Eve.

If U want to 🚘 Drive Safely, My Team can help for free.

Please 📞call / inbox me 2 days in advance so that I can arrange.

I have a Team of 🚶‍♀️ experienced people who can help.

They will come 🚶‍♀️ & 🥃 Drink for U, so that you can 🚘Drive Safely. 😊

Highly Educated Driver

Highly Educated Driver

Yesterday, I booked a private taxi for airport.
When I arrived at my destination,
the driver gave me his business card for future bookings.

Dr. Ramanand Tripathi, PhD

Wow! I was surprised and quizzed him,
“Why are you driving a taxi with such high qualification?”

He replied, “Dr. is the short form of Driver.“

“Then what about your PhD?”

“I am a Private-hired Driver”
🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪

Stay positive always

🌹🌹 just enjoy 🌹🌹

Stay positive always!

Doctor : Your Liver is enlarged
Patient : Does that mean it has space for more whisky ?
(This is called "Positive Thinking" 😄😄)

Lady to her dietician :- What l am worried about is my height and not my weight.
Doc :- How come ???
Lady :- According to my weight, my height should be 7.8 feet... 😜
(Now this is called "Positive Attitude" 👍)

A Man wrote to the bank. "My Cheque was returned with remark 'Insufficient funds'. I want to know whether it refers to mine or the Bank".
(This is self confidence in its peak 😂😂)

This one is classic !!
A cockroach's last words to a man who wanted to kill it : "Go ahead and kill me, you coward. You're just jealous because I can scare your wife and you cannot..!!!!"
😅😅😅
Always be positive even in difficult situations 😊

Me : “Our dog is very clever. At seven o’ clock every morning he brings us the newspaper.”
My friend : “But lots of dogs do that!”
Me : “I know – but we don’t subscribe to any newspaper!”

Two ladies in a bar

Two ladies in a bar

So, I'm in a bar and two very large women with accents are sitting across from me.

I say, "Cool accents, are you two ladies from Scotland?"

One of them yells, "It's Wales, you idiot."

So I said, "OK, are you two Whales from Scotland?"

I don't remember much after that.

Vagaries of English Language!

Vagaries of English Language! Enjoy!!!😀😀😀

- Wonder why the word funeral starts with FUN?

- Why isn't a Fireman called a Water-man?

- How come Lipstick doesn't do what it says?

- If money doesn't grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?

- If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?

- How do you get off a non-stop Flight?

- Why are goods sent by ship called CARGO and those sent by truck SHIPMENT?

- Why do we put cups in the dishwasher and the dishes in the Cupboard?

- Why do doctors 'practice' medicine? Are they having practice at the cost of the patients?

- Why is it called 'Rush Hour' when traffic moves at its slowest then?

- How come Noses run and Feet smell?

- Why do they call it a TV 'set' when there is only one?

- What are you vacating when you go on a vacation?

We can never find the answers, can we?

So just enjoy the pun and fun of the English language!! 😀😀

Ants wants a place to stay

🐜An ant knocked on the door of a house.

The house owner opened the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free of cost," said the owner.

The ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant 🐜and requested the
owner, "Can you please allow this ant to stay with me?"

"Oh sure, you can do so without paying any rent," said the owner.

After some days the ant brought a 3rd 🐜ant and requested the owner
to allow it to stay with them.

The owner agreed to it without asking for any rent.

This went on as the 🐜ant brought in more and more ants and the owner agreed to let them stay without any rent.

One fine day, the ant brought in the *10th* ant 🐜and requested the owner
to allow it to stay with them all.

The owner said,
"OK, you can all stay here but now you all need to pay rent."

*Now the question is:*

Why did the owner ask for rent when the 10th ant came in?
.

.

.

.
🤔
.

.
🤔
.

🤔
.
.

..

.

.
.

🤔
.

.
.
🤔
.
.
.

.
.
.🤔

Because they were now *tenants!*
🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜

PS: I am also looking for the guy who sent me this!

Geek Maths jokes

WARNING : Geek Maths jokes. Truly terrible 😝

Math refresher 😜😃😝

Q: Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle?
A: They were right for each other

Q: Why didn't the Romans find algebra very challenging? A: Because X was always 10

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi

Q: Why couldn't the angle get a loan?
A: His parents wouldn't Cosine

Q: Why is beer never served at a math party?
A: Because you can't drink and derive.

Q: Why didn't the number 4 get into the nightclub?
A: Because he is 2 square

Q. Why was the math book sad?
A. Because it had so many problems.

Q: Why do plants hate math?
A: Because it gives them square roots.

Q: What is the first derivative of a cow?
A: Prime Rib!

Q: What's the integral of (1/cabin)d(cabin)?
A: A natural log cabin!

Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar?
A: An Algorithm

Q: What do you call an angle that is adorable?
A: acute angle

Q: Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
A: It was a 'mean' thing to say!

Q: Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?
A: He was better at fitting curves than hitting them

Q: Why did the polynomial plant die?
A: Its roots were imaginary.

Q: Why does nobody talk to circles?
A: Because there is no point!

Q: Why did the two 4's skip lunch?
A: They already 8!

Q: Why didn't Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
A: It was too cubed

Q: What did one Calculus book say to the other?
A: Don't bother me I've got my own problems!

Q: Which triangles are the coldest?
A: Ice-sosceles triangles

The Story of Eyes !

The Story of EYES! :p
.
Do you know the relation between two eyes…??? O.o
.
They never see each other :\
…
BUT
.
1. They blink together.
2. They move together. ;)
.
3. They cry together.
4. They see together. :*
.
5. They sleep together.
They share a very deep bonded relationship… 😍
.
However, when they see a pretty woman, one will blink and
another will not… 😒
.
Moral of the story: A pretty woman can break any
relationship… 😜 😝 😂

Santa Job ke liye Interview dene gaya

संता एक बार किसी कंपनी में जॉब के लिए इंटरव्यू देने गया

बंता सिंह (मेनेजर): आपकी शादी हो गयी?

संता: जी हाँ, एक लड़की से हुई

मेनेजर: शादी तो लड़की से ही होती है!!

संता: नहीं जी, मेरी बहिन की शादी तो लड़के से हुई है! 😀

Yeh Kaunsa Station Hai ?

Ek lady train se utari,
.
Usne ek aadmi se puchha:
"Yeh kaunsa station hai..?"
.
.
Aadmi hasaa,

Zor se hasaa,
Zor zor se hasaa,
Haste haste lot pot ho gaya,

Aur badi mushkil se sambhalte huye bola
Pagli,

"Ye Railway station hai..."
😛😛😛😛

Duur Ki Soch !!

रेलवे स्टेशन पर एक बुजुर्ग बैठे रेल का इंतजार कर रहे थे.
तभी वहां एक नवयुवक आया और उसने बुजुर्ग से पूछा :-
अंकल, समय क्या हुआ है.?
बुजुर्ग :- मुझे नहीं मालूम।
युवक :- लेकिन आपके हाथ में घड़ी तो है, प्लीज बता दीजिए न कितने बजे हैं.?
बुजुर्ग :- मैं नहीं बताऊंगा।
युवक :- पर क्यों.?
बुजुर्ग :- क्योंकि अगर मैं तुम्हें समय बता दूंगा तो तुम मुझे थैंक्यू बोलोगे,
और अपना नाम बताओगे। फिर तुम मेरा नाम, काम आदि पूछोगे.?
.... फिर संभव है कि हम लोग आपस में और भी बातचीत करने लगें। हम दोनों में जान-पहचान हो जाएगी, तो हो सकता है कि ट्रेन आने पर तुम मेरी बगल वाली सीट पर ही बैठ जाओ।
फिर हो सकता है कि तुम भी उसी स्टेशन पर उतरो, जहां मुझे उतरना है .....
वहां मेरी बेटी, जोकि बहुत सुन्दर है, मुझे लेने स्टेशन आएगी। उस समय चूंकि तुम मेरे साथ ही होगे तो निश्चित है कि तुम उसे देखोगे, और वह भी तुम्हें देखेगी। फिर हो सकता है कि तुम दोनों एक-दूसरे को दिल दे बैठो और शादी करने की जिद करने
लगो...
...और
.
और मैं ऐसा कंगाल दामाद कतई नहीं चाहता,
जिसके पास समय देखने के लिए अपनी घड़ी तक न हो ..

Tumhara Naam Kavita hai?

Ultimate Hit!!!!!!!!
😄😄😄
ज्योतिषी : तुम्हारा नाम कविता है ?
कविता : जी महाराज
ज्योतिषी : प्रीत तेरे पति का नाम है ?
कविता : जी जी महाराज (हाँथ जोड़ते हुए)
ज्योतिषी : तेरे दो लड़के और एक लड़की है ?
कविता : जी जी महराज (आश्चर्य से झुक कर
प्रणाम करते हुए)
ज्योतिषी : तूने कल 10 किलो चावल खरीदे है ?
कविता : पैरो पर गिर कर महराज आप तो अंतरयामी
हो
ज्योतिषी : अगली बार कुंडली लाना राशन कार्ड
नही😜😜😜😜

Check ur banana quotient: Mumbai estyle

Check ur banana quotient: Mumbai estyle 😋🍌

1. What is banana called in hindi - kela
2. What is a single banana called - akela
3. What is a tired banana called - thakela
4. What is the banana listening to it called - pakela
5. What is a banana waiting at a signal called - rukela
7. What is a stuck up banana called - atkela
8. What is an angry banana called - satkela
9. What is a hung up banana called - latkela
10. What is a lost banana called - bhatkela. 😝😋

Heights of irritating

Heights of irritating....
TV Anchor interviewing a Farmer:
Q: What food do you serve to your goat?
Farmer : to white one or to black one?
Anchor: to white one
Farmer : Grass...
Anchor: And to black one?
Farmer : Grass for that one too...
Anchor: where do you tie them?
Farmer : white one or black one?
Anchor: White one...
Farmer : in the room outside
Anchor: And the black one?
Farmer : in the same room outside
Anchor: And bathing?
Farmer : to white one or to black one?
Anchor: Black one...
Farmer : with water
Anchor: And to white one?
Farmer : With water for that one too...
Anchor angrily:
Idiot, while you do same stuff for both of them, why are you asking white or black each time?
Farmer : because the white one is mine..
Anchor: And the black one?
Farmer : it's also mine! 💣🔫🔪💉😆😆😆😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝

Kaun Si Jati ke Log Achhe Nagrik Hote Hai ?

Friend 1 :
Kaun Si Jati ke Log Achhe Nagrik Hote Hai ?

Friend 2 :
Baniye..

Friend 1 :
Matlab?

Friend 2 :
Har Jagah Likha Hota Hai,
Desh Ke Acche Nagrik "Baniye"!
Desh Bhakt "Baniye"!
Samajhdar "Baniye"!
Imandar "Baniye"!
Sachhe "Baniye"!
Padhe Likhe "Baniye"!
Samajik "Baniye"!
Vyavaharik "Baniye"!
Shakahari "Baniye"!
Satvik "Baniye"!
Dharmik "Baniye"!
Baniye...!

Gyan Ganga Ultimate PJ's

GYAN GANGA.
1)Dog road pr ulta pada tha to log uski pooja krne lage,
Q?
Qki DOG ka ulta is GOD.
1 or
2)Mare hue insan k muh me kya daloge?
Birla Cement,
Qki
"IS CEMENT ME JAAN HAI"
1 or
3)Wat is the cube of 13
Ans.- Suroor,
coz
TERA*TERA*TERA = SUROOR
"Chalo 1 aur"
4)Wat wud u cal a girl who never laughs?
HASI-NAA.
"bas 1 or"
5)Why a heart broken person doesnt need general knowldge?
Qki jab dil hi toot gaya to "GK" kya karega.
"pakka last"
6)Agar 2 peepal k ped ko rassi se baandh diya jaye to rassi ko kya kahenge?
NOKIA- Connecting "PEEPAL"
Bhagwan aapko aise msg ko jhelne ki shakti de

Kaminey dost

Kaminey dost
1 : Hello bhai kya haal hai?
2 : Mast bhai, tu suna?
1 : Yaar ek kaam tha....
2 : Haan to karle, baad mein baat karenge. Bye..! 😝😝😝😝