One Liner Puns

One Liner Puns

Dedicated to the Connoisseurs of Puns....

How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side.
😍
I have a few jokes about unemployed people....
but none of them work.
😍
How do you make holy water?
You take some water & boil the hell out of it.
😍
Will glass coffins be a success?
Remains to be seen.
😍
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm.
One asks, “what’s your favorite kind of music?”
The other says, “I'm a big metal fan”.
😍
Heard about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu, you get what you deserve.
😍
I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday...
but couldn't find any.
😍
What do you call a bee that can’t quite make up its mind?
A maybe.
😍
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
😍
If and when everything is coming your way.....
you're in the wrong lane.
😍
She had a photographic memory...
but never developed it.
😍
Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today?
I don't know and don't really care.
😍
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant.....
but then I changed my mind.
😍
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?
Ireland, of course, it’s Dublin everyday.
😍
My ex-wife still misses me....
but her aim is starting to improve.
😍
The guy who invented the door knocker got a.....
No-bell prize.
😍
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought....
“that’s the last thing i need !”
😍
Need an ark???
I Noah guy.
😍
I used to be indecisive.....
Now i'm not so sure.
😍
Sleeping comes so naturally to me that......
I can do it with my eyes closed.
😍
What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Nothing. But, it let out a little whine.
😍
What do you call a very articulate dinosaur with a good vocabulary?
A Thesaurus, of course.
😍
Last, but not least,
What happens when you boil a funny bone?
You get a laughing stock
😅😅🤣🤣
Have an enjoyable day 😂😂

A good 30 laughs at Dilbert's one liners:

🤣🤣🤣
A good 30 laughs at Dilbert's one liners:
1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..
7. Born free, taxed to death.
8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers.
24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
25. Someday is not a day of the week.
26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
28. The road to success.... Is always under construction.
29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

Some Laughter in these times

Some Laughter in these times꧂

꧁• If you see me leaving this group, please add me again. It's just that I’m so desperate to go out!
꧁• Never in my wildest dreams have I imagined myself entering a bank, wearing a mask, and asking for money.
꧁• Never thought my hands would one day consume more alcohol than my liver...ever!
꧁• Quarantine seems like a Netflix series: just when you think it's over, they release the next season.
꧁• Those complaining 2020 didn’t have enough holidays, what now?!
꧁• I’m not planning on adding 2020 to my age. I didn’t even use it!
꧁• We want to publicly apologize to the year 2019 for all the bad things we said about it.
꧁• To all the ladies who were praying for their husbands to spend more time with them, how are you doing?
꧁• My washing machine only accepts pyjamas these days. I put in a pair of jeans and a message popped up : “Stay Home " 😀

Hi Level Technical Jokes

Hi Level Technical Jokes:😜😜😜😜👌👌👌

Scientists were playing hide & seek in heaven.
Einstein was seeker.
Newton didn't hide & stood in a square of 1 meter.
Einstein: I found u Newton !! Thhappa !!!
Newton: U are Wrong.
I am not Newton.
As I am standing in 1 mtr square, I am Newton/per mt sq.
So I am Pascal..😛😛😛😛😛
-------------------------
Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
A: "You may have graduated but I've got so many degrees" 🏮👻🏮
------------------------
Did you hear oxygen and magnesium dating together?
OMg!!
😱😱😱 ------------------------
What if Oxygen went on a date with Potassium?
Its OK..😉😉😉
------------------------
Atom 1: I just lost an electron.
Atom 2:how u feel?
Atom 1: positive😛😳😛
------------------------
Q:What do you get when you put a Cobalt & 2 iron atoms in mixer
CoFFee 😛☕😜
------------------------
What do you get after reaction of a Barium atom with two sodium atoms...
BaNaNa 🍌🍌🍌
------------------------
And finally ....

Can't end without a movie dialogue
😄😂
Electron to neutron : mere pass charge hai , spin hai, magnetic field hai, reactivity hai ... Tumhare pass kya hai

Neutron : mere pass.....
MAAs hai😁😁😄😄😂

A good 30 laughs - Dilbert's one liners:Old Classics

A good 30 laughs - Dilbert's one liners:Old Classics
🔺 I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
🔺 A friend in need is a pest indeed.
🔺 Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
🔺 Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
🔺 When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
🔺 The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..
🔺 Born free, taxed to death.
🔺 Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
🔺 Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
🔺 Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
🔺 If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
🔺 It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
🔺 I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork..
🔺 A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
🔺 The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
🔺 The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
🔺 In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
🔺 If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
🔺 Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
🔺 If you can't convince them, confuse them.
🔺 It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
🔺 I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
🔺 Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
🔺 The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
🔺 Someday is not a day of the week
🔺 Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
🔺 The road to success.... Is always under construction.
🔺 Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
🔺 In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need  it !!!
😜👍

One Liners about India

If you want to know how divided we are, just look at matrimonial page of our newspaper!

India is running the software of tomorrow on the hardware of yesterday.

If the mobile gets spoiled blame the child, if child gets spoiled blame the mobile.

If someone asks for dirty cloth to clean something you are in India.

The only country where people fight to be termed 'Backward'.

In India, you don't cast your vote, you vote your caste.

An incredible country where actors are playing cricket, cricketers are playing politics, politicians are watching porn and porn stars are becoming actors!- vicious circle indeed.

Sarcasm is like electricity, half of India doesn't get it.

And where liking a Facebook post and sending messages on WhatsApp gets you arrested, while raping does not.

Pythagorean Theorem to Solve Problems of life

I am still using Pythagorean theorem of 30-60-90 to solve most difficult problems of life.



Only difference is, 'degrees' have been replaced by 'ml'.🍺😄

A Good laugh reading these 30 one liners

Dilberts hilarious thoughts
A good 30 laughs at Dilbert's one liners:
1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..
7. Born free, taxed to death.
8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
25. Someday is not a day of the week
26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
28. The road to success.... Is always under construction.
29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.