Showing posts with label Gujju. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gujju. Show all posts

Sign on a Shop

I read a sign in Gujarati on a shop, which said "J Rocks"

I spent the next half hour trying to figure what or who J was






And then I asked the shopkeeper , it was "Xerox" ๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

An Arab needs a rare type of blood

An Arab was admitted to Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant ... but, prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises.

As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally.

So the call went out to a number of countries.

Finally a Gujarati in Ahemedabad was located who had a similar type of blood.

The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Toyota Prado, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery, and a million US dollars.

Later, once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.

His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card & a jar of Almond halwa sweets.

The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati's kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He phoned the Arab and asked him that this time also i thought that you would give me Toyota Prado, Diamonds and Jewellery ... But, you gave only a thank you card and a jar of Almond sweets..

On this the Arab replied ...

'Mota bhai, now I have Gujju blood in my veins!'

At Niagara Falls !

Best joke
At Niagara falls..!✔

Guide: I welcome you all to
Niagara Falls..
These are the world's largest
waterfalls & the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard. Now I request the indian ladies to keep quiet
so that
we can hear the Niagara
Falls..!

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Two Beggars

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy. One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.
The Pope comes by. He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the Star of David. Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and says,
"My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite." The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned to the beggar with the Cross and said,  "Jignessbhai, look who's trying to teach the Patel brothers about bijness!"

Gujarati lady visited a Bar

Gujarati Lady visited a Bar๐Ÿบ for the First Time, She Sat at the Table in Front of the Bar Tender..
A Guy at Her Left side ordered: "Jack Daniels, Single"
A Guy at Her Right Side ordered: "Johnny Walker, Single"
The Bar Tender Looked at the Lady & said: And You..??
Lady replied: "ARTIBEN THAKKAR MARRIED."
๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Hansa and Praful Jokes

Hansa : Praful automatically matlab??
Praful : aare Hansa.. agar koi aadmi ganja hota hai tou ussko kya
bolte hain...
Hansa : taklaa..
Praful : aur agar koi ladki ganji ho to ussko kya bolenge....
Hansa : takli..
Praful : aur wohi ladki agar auto mein baith kar kahin ghoomne jaye
tou ussko kya bologi??
Hansa : auto mein takli… aare haan automatically!
Tum kitne samajhdaar ho Praful...๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›
๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ’ 
Hansa : Prafoool, ye Senior or Junior ka kya matlab?
Praful : Hansaaaaaa samundra ke najdik rehte hai woh...
sea + near = Senior
aur jo Zoo ke najdik rehte hai woh...
Zoo + near = Junior ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜Ž
๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ’ 
✅ Hansa : Praful
tournament matlab??
Praful : tournament hansaaaa yeh jo tumne kaanme jhumke pehne hai use tournament kehte hai...
Bapuji : abey Praful gadhe use ornaments kehte hai.๐Ÿ‘บ
Praful: Bapuji ohh Bapuji ek kaan me pehno to ornaments or dono kaan me pehno to two ornaments matlab tournament....๐Ÿ˜
Hansa: haay haay bapuji ko to kuch bhi nahi aata....๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ”ซ⚡๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ™ ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‰☺๐Ÿ˜Š

Blood Bank ma Gujarati

BLOOD BANK ma Gujrati :--
Guju : sister, ek bottle blood aapso?
Sister : which group?
Guju : koi pan chalse..
Sister : GAANDA, koi pan na chhale..!
Guju : GAANDI , koi pan chhalse...girl friend ne letter lakhvo chhe....!!!!
Happy Valentine's Day in Advance.
๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜œ

Ek Gujarati Badam Bech raha tha

เคเค• เค—ुเคœเคฐाเคคी; เคฌाเคฆाเคฎ; เคฌेเคš; เคฐเคนा; เคฅा
เคธเคฐเคฆाเคฐ; เคจे; เคชूเค›ा; เคฏे; เค–ाเคจे; เคธे; เค•्เคฏा; เคนोเคคा; เคนै ?
เค—ुเคœเคฐाเคคी : เคฆिเคฎाเฅš; เคคेเฅ›; เคนोเคคा; เคนै ..
เคธเคฐเคฆाเคฐ : เค•ेเคธे ?
เค—ुเคœเคฐाเคคी : เค…เคš्เค›ा; เคฏे; เคฌเคคाเค“; 1 เค•िเคฒो; เคšाเคตเคฒ; เคฎें; เค•िเคคเคจे; เคฆाเคจे; เคนोเคคे; เคนै
เคธเคฐเคฆाเคฐ : เคชเคคा; เคจเคนी ...
เค—ुเคœเคฐाเคคी; เคจे; เค‰เคธเค•ो; เคฌाเคฆाเคฎ; เค–िเคฒाเคฏा; เค”เคฐ; เคฌोเคฒा ,
เคฌเคคाเค“; 1 เคฆเคฐ्เคœเคจ; เคฎें; เค•िเคคเคจे; เค•ेเคฒे; เคนोเคคे; เคนै ?
เคธเคฐเคฆाเคฐ : 12
เค—ुเคœเคฐाเคคी; : เคฆेเค–ा; เคฆिเคฎाเค—; เคคेเฅ›; เคนो; เค—เคฏा เคจा
เคธเคฐเคฆाเคฐ : 2 เค•िเคฒो; เคฆे; เคฏाเคฐ , เค•เคฎाเคฒ; เค•ी; เคšीเฅ›; เคนै.

Why people from different communities run Mumbai Marathon

Why people from different communities run Mumbai Marathon :
- Punjus run simply because of peer pressure from other communities + that they can upload their pics posing on the Sealink. Otherwise they rather be sleeping.
- Maharashtrians run because that day most roads are closed and BEST buses are not plying - so how else will they commute ?
- Biharis & Bhaiyas run because they feel the Maharashtrians are running behind them and they run for their lives
- Catholics run because that's what they have been trained for since childhood - athletics or hockey or football
- Parsis run so hopefully they can find someone on the race track and get married that same evening
- South Indians run because of the completion certificate which they will get so that they can add this to their collection of certificates which they are collecting since childhood.
- Sindhis run because the cost includes Sealink toll charges
- Gujjus run because the cost includes Sealink toll charges + Goody bag + Free Water + Free Enerzal + Free Oranges + Free Salt + Free Ice Pack+ Free whiffs of Volini Spray on the route
- Marwaris run for all of the above reasons + they think they can take an interest free loan from St. Chartered Bank for their business just because they ran !

Ek Gujarati aur uski BMW

๐Ÿ‘ณเคเค• เค—ुเคœเคฐाเคคी
๐Ÿ’˜เคฎुเคฌंเคˆ เค•ी เคฌैँเค• เคฎेँ เค—เคฏा, เค”เคฐ
๐Ÿ’˜เคฌैँเค• เคฎेเคจेเคœเคฐ เคธे
๐Ÿ’—เคฐु.50,000 เค•ा เคฒोเคจ เคฎांเค—ा.
๐Ÿ’—เคฌैँเค• เคฎेเคจेเคœเคฐ เคจे เค—ेเคฐेँเคŸเคฐ เคฎांเค—ा.
๐Ÿ’›เค—ुเคœเคฐाเคคी เคจे เค…เคชเคจी BMW เค•ाเคฐ
๐Ÿ’›เคœो เคฌैँเค• เค•े เคธाเคฎเคจे เคชाเคฐ्เค• เค•ी เคนुเคˆ เคฅी
๐Ÿ’“เค‰เคธเค•ो เค—ेเคฐेँเคŸी เค•े เคคเคฐीเค•े เคธे...
๐Ÿ’“เคœเคฎा เค•เคฐเคตा เคฆी.
๐Ÿ’™เคฎेเคจेเคœเคฐ เคจे เค—ाเคกी เค•े เค•ाเค—เคœ เคšैเค• เค•िเค,
๐Ÿ’™เค”เคฐ เคฒोเคจ เคฆेเค•เคฐ เค—ाเคกी เค•ो
๐Ÿ’žเค•เคธ्เคŸเคกी เคฎेँ เค–เคกी เค•เคฐเคจे เค•े เคฒिเค
๐Ÿ’žเค•เคฐ्เคฎเคšाเคฐी เค•ो เคธुเคšเคจा เคฆी.
๐Ÿ’œเค—ुเคœเคฐाเคคी 50,000 เคฐुเคชเคฏे
๐Ÿ˜€เคฒेเค•เคฐ เคšเคฒा เค—เคฏा.
๐Ÿ’œเคฌैँเค• เคฎेเคจेเคœเคฐ เค”เคฐ เค•เคฐ्เคฎเคšाเคฐी
๐Ÿ’•เค‰เคธ เค—ुเคœเคฐाเคคी เคชเคฐ เคนँเคธเคจे เคฒเค—े เค”เคฐ
๐Ÿ’•เคฌाเคค เค•เคฐเคจे เคฒเค—े เค•ि
๐Ÿ’›เคฏเคน เค•เคฐोเคกเคชเคคि เคนोเคคे เคนुเค เคญी
๐Ÿ’›เค…เคชเคจी เค—ाเคกी เคธिเคฐ्เคซ 50,000 เคฎेँ
❤เค—िเคฐเคตी เคฐเค– เค•เคฐ เคšเคฒा เค—เคฏा.
❤เค•िเคคเคจा เคฌेเคตเค•ुเคซ เค†เคฆเคฎी เคนै.
๐Ÿ’™เค‰เคธเค•े เคฌाเคฆ 2 เคฎเคนीเคจे เคฌाเคฆ
๐Ÿ’™เค—ुเคœเคฐाเคคी เคตाเคชเคธ เคฌैँเค• เคฎे เค—เคฏा เค”เคฐ
๐Ÿ’“เคฒोเคจ เค•ी เคธเคญी เคฐเค•เคฎ เคฆेเค•เคฐ
๐Ÿ’“เค…เคชเคจी เค—ाเคกी
๐Ÿ’œเคตाเคชเคธ เคฒेเคจे เค•ी เค‡เคš्เค›ा เคฆเคฐ्เคถाเคฏी.
๐Ÿ’œเคฌैँเค• เคฎेเคจेเคœเคฐ เคจे เคนिเคธाเคฌ-เค•िเคคाเคฌ เค•िเคฏा
๐Ÿ’เค”เคฐ เคฌोเคฒा : 50,000
๐Ÿ’šเคฎुเคฒ เคฐเค•เคฎ เค•े เคธाเคฅ
๐Ÿ’š1250 เคฐुเคชเคฏे เคฌ्เคฏाเคœ.
๐Ÿ’›เค—ुเคœเคฐाเคคी เคจे เคชुเคฐे เคชैเคธे เคฆे เคฆिเค.
๐Ÿ’›เคฌैँเค• เคฎेเคจेเคœเคฐ เคธे เคฐเคนा เคจเคนी เค—เคฏा เค”เคฐ
๐Ÿ’–เค‰เคธเคจे เคชुเค›ा เค•ि เค†เคช เค‡เคคเคจे
๐Ÿ’–เค•เคฐोเคกเคชเคคि เคนोเคคे เคนुเค เคญी
๐Ÿ’™เค†เคชเค•ो 50,000 เคฐुเคชเคฏो เค•ि
๐Ÿ’™เคœเคฐुเคฐเคค เค•ैเคธे เคชเคกी.?
๐Ÿ’žเค—ुเคœเคฐाเคคी เคจे เคœเคตाเคฌ เคฆिเคฏा :
๐Ÿ’žเคฎैँ เค—ुเคœเคฐाเคค เคธे เค†เคฏा เคฅा.
๐Ÿ’œเคฎैँ เค…เคฎेเคฐिเค•ा เคœा เคฐเคนा เคฅा.
๐Ÿ’œเคฎुเคฌंเคˆ เคธे เคฎेเคฐी เคซ्เคฒाเค‡เคŸ เคฅी.
๐Ÿ’•เคฎुเคฌंเคˆ เคฎेँ เคฎेเคฐी เค—ाเคกी
๐Ÿ’•เค•เคนा เคชाเคฐ्เค• เค•เคฐเคจी เคนै
๐Ÿ’˜เคฏเคน เคฎेเคฐी เคธเคฌเคธे เคฌเคกी เคช्เคฐोเคฌเคฒเคฎ เคฅी.
๐Ÿ’˜เคฒेเค•िเคจ เค‡เคธ เคช्เคฐोเคฌเคฒเคฎ เค•ो
๐Ÿ’›เค†เคชเคจे เคนเคฒ เค•เคฐ เคฆिเคฏा.
๐Ÿ’›เคฎेเคฐी เค—ाเคกी เคญी เคธेเคซ เค•เคธ्เคŸเคกी เคฎेँ
๐Ÿ’—เคฆो เคฎเคนीเคจे เคคเค• เคธंเคญाเคฒ เค•े เคฐเค–ा เค”เคฐ
๐Ÿ’—50,000 เคฐुเคชเคฏे
๐ŸŽ…เค–เคฐ्เคš เค•เคฐเคจे เค•े เคฒिเค เคญी เคฆिเค
๐Ÿ‘Œเคฆोเคจो เค•ाเคฎ เค•เคฐเคจे เค•ा เคšाเคฐ्เคœ เคฒเค—ा
๐ŸŽเคธिเคฐ्เคซ 1250 เคฐुเคชเคฏे.
๐ŸŒนเค†เคชเค•ा เคฌเคนुเคค เคฌเคนुเคค เคงเคจ्เคฏเคตाเคฆ.!
๐Ÿ’ชGUJARATI is GUJARATI๐Ÿ‘Œ

True and Unmistakable Characteristics of a Gujju

Ek dum superb chhe..!

50 True and unmistakable characteristics of a true Gujarati :
01. Every autowala, taxiwala, grocerywala is 'Kaka'.
02. Gujju never go to Office, they go to Hoffis.
03. The first rule of money - never use your own.
04. "Su nava juni" is their version of 'wassup'?
05. Be it 7am in the morning or past midnite, gathiyas are always welcome.
06. They keep an "ELARAM" to wake up in the morning.
07. No party is over without a round of GARBA.
08. They call all types of noodles "Meggi"!
09. When someone asks about a person, Gujju says GENTLEMAN MANAS chhey.
10. They have a PhD in bargaining by birth.
11. They can speak any language of the world in Gujarati.
12. Gujju don't have feelings, they have FILLINGS.
13. Jai Shri Krishna = Hello and Good Bye.
14. All their conversations begin with kem chhe, maja ma ne, and end with: "Koyi saaru investment batavo ne..."
15. Gujju shout their guts out on international calls, thinking they can hear them better that way.
16. Swimming is not for them - They call it 'chhab-chhabia'.
17. For them Electricity never goes - only Light does.
18. Gujju don't call people, they COAL them.
19. Sensex interests more than anything.
20. Chhas is their Beer.
21. They are everywhere, all over the globe - deal with it.
22. Gujju go to movie HOLE and take outside SNAKES for refreshments.
23. Mount Abu is their Switzerland.
24. If a Gujju starts Koffee with Karan, he would name it "Chhas with Chhagan".
25. A true Gujju looks forward to eat Thai, Mexican, Italian, Chinese, chaat and Undhiyu at the cousin's wedding.
26. At least 50% of the contacts in the phone book end with the word BHAI.
27. Being Punjabi means more chapati, less rice; being Mallu means less chapati, more rice.
Being Gujju - just eat more yaar, 'shu farak pade chhe?'
28. Gujjus believe Narendra Modi is the solution for everything - from Fashion style to Nation's progress.
29. Vile Parle and New Jersey feels like home - Apduj chhe.
30. They will spend 1000 rupees for a 10 rupee free gift, free ma malle, etle maja aavi jai.
31. They eat home made theplas with chhundo and athanu on business class flight.
32. Gujju can do Garba on any song in the world.
33. Falguni Pathak is Britney Spears for them.
34. After having chaat, bhelpuri, sevpuri, Gujju makes sure they ask for extra puri and then a discount.
35. Order soup 1 by 2, you get more quantity - be smart.
36. If it is beeg (big), edible and free, go on dude, eat it.
37. Mumbai + Gujarat + London + Amerika = Whole world. Nothing else exists for them.
38. Everyone is invited to a Gujju home for lunch, and fed like you have come from the groom's side.
39. If all of a sudden you hear a dhoom machale ringtone or a loud scream or a loud chit chat amongst a group, immediately assume that you are amidst Gujjus.
40. Hindi humko 'jara bhi nahi faata hai'.
41. Age 15 or 50, your parents will always refer to you as their 'baby' or 'babo'.
42. KEDBURY is the generic name for chocolate.
43. Gujju take the constitution very seriously, everyone is called Bhai and Ben.
44. If you do not go for Navratri, you didn't exist.
45. All own Reliance collectively.
46. Dandiya is their Prom.
47. You pack according to a 5N/6D holiday when going for a one day picnic.
48. Time spent at a party - Dancing (10 minutes) Chitchat (10 minutes) Dinner (100 minutes)
49. Gujju get tired after walk of 15 minutes and play dandia for 5 hours.
50. A true Gujju will definitely forward this..

Dedicated to all Gujjus..!
This is for all of my Gujju friends๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

Gujju Patel in London

Gujju Patel was living next to a British in London. Once they had n argument..
"who leads a better life"
British: we have a big house & I have Benz!
Gujju: I have 8 Benz!
British (confused): Really..? But I never saw u riding any
Gujju: I have 3 in Amdavad - Maniben, Ramilaben and Kokilaben, 2 in Rajkot - Jasuben & Nainaben, 2 live in London itself - Dayaben & Karunaben. Total 7 Bens.
And this is my wife - Seemaben!
She is the one I ride.. But I'm not going to show you that..! We are from well cultured family! ๐Ÿ˜…

Akbar and one Gujju

Akbar and one Gujju were best friends.
The Gujju went to a Masjid for the 1st time with Akbar.
Akbar enters the Masjid and says: "Allah hu Akbar"
Gujjubhai thodi waar vichar kari ne : "Allah, hu Jignesss Patel"..
๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†

Break Fail of Taxi

Cant stop laughing
Taxiwala:-
"Saheb Break fail ho gayi hai, Gaadi rukti nahi,  kya karu?"
Gujrati Passenger :- "PEHLE TU METER BAND KAR.!" 

Ganpati Bappa Gujju slogans

As date of ganpati bappa comes near, gujjus of mumbai are in full too preparation of their slogans 
I just can't stop laughing
1. "Tapeli ma shiro,
Ganpati bappa hero"

One more
2. Videocon Samsung,
Ganpati bappa handsome. 
๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…
3. Sev jalebi fafda,
Ganpati bappa aapda.
๐Ÿ™‰๐Ÿ™‰๐Ÿ™‰๐Ÿ™‰๐Ÿ™‰
4. Laal phool lilu phool
Ganpati bappa beautiful.

Heights ...
5. Vatka ma chewing gum,
Ganpati bappa Singham

Last one
6. 1 gaurd 2 gaurd,
Ganpati bappa bodygaurd.
๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™Š๐Ÿ™Š๐Ÿ˜น๐Ÿ˜น๐Ÿ˜น๐Ÿ˜น๐Ÿ˜น๐Ÿ˜น๐Ÿ˜น
Pakka last ๐Ÿ™‰๐Ÿ™‰๐Ÿ™‰
7. China ho ya Korea,
Ganpati bappa mourya
๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›