I accompanied my wife to the parlor

The other day I accompanied my wife when she went to the parlor for a haircut.
Reading a magazine in the reception area,
I found an interesting article.
I asked the receptionist if I could take the magazine next door to make a photocopy.

Leave some ID, a driver's license or a credit card," she said.

"But my Wife is here getting a haircut," I explained. 💇🏻‍♀️💇🏼‍♂️

"Yes," she replied.
"But I need something you'll come back for."

He is an Atheist and doesn't believe in Hell

A young girl comes home from a date looking rather sad.

Her mother asks her what’s wrong.
She says, “Harry proposed to me an hour ago.”

Her mother asks, “Why are you so sad then?”

The girl replies, “Because, he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a Hell.”

Her mother says, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.

RELATIVITY - A married couple shopping in the supermarket

RELATIVITY

A married couple was shopping in the supermarket when the husband picked up a crate of Budweiser and put it in the trolley.

“What do you think you are doing?” asked the wife.

“They’re on offer – only $25 for 12 cans” he explained.

“Put them back,” she demanded,” we can’t afford it.”

A few aisles later, she picked up a $50 jar of face cream and put it in the trolley.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asked the husband indignantly.

“It’s my face cream,” she said. “It makes me beautiful.”

He said, “So do twelve cans of Bud and they’re half the price!”

Some fresh husband wife naughty bytes

Some fresh husband wife naughty bytes
👊👊👊👊👊😂

Wife: I hate you.
Husband: What a co-incidence..!!!

😆😂😆😂😂😂

NOW, THIS IS TOO MUCH !!
A husband takes photograph of his wife and then declares himself to be a "WILD-LIFE" PHOTOGRAPHER !!

😂😂😂

A smart wife's note for the husband :
I am going out with my friends for dinner. Your dinner is in the recipe book, on page 25 and ingredients are available at reliance Fresh.

😂😂😂😂😂

Wife: "Darling Let's Enjoy our Saturday and Sunday"!
Husband: "Good Idea!, Let's meet on Monday....!"

😂😂😆

Boss to his friend: Kya zamana aaya hai. My secretary resigned yesterday.
Friend: Why?
Boss: She caught me with my wife in coffee shop

😜😝😛😛

Changing Bad Habit to make Wife Happy

Changing Bad Habit to make wife happy

For past 20 years, my wife has been complaining about me not putting the cap back on the toothpaste.

This anniversary, I decided to change this bad habit to make my wife happy.

For a week, I was diligent, always capping the toothpaste after brushing my teeth.

I was expecting my wife to at least notice and maybe even thank me, but she never did.

Finally, last night, she turned to me in bed, looked at me and said...
"Why have you stopped brushing your teeth?"

To Be 28 Again

"To Be 28 Again!"😋
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
A man in his late 40s was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked her what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be 28 again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On her birthday, he rose early, made her a nice cup of coffee and then took her to Adventure World Theme park on a bike. He put her on every ride in the Park like the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything...

Oh, what a Day...

5 hours later they staggered out of the Theme Park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to the most exotic restaurant where they ate and danced like never before. Then, it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda and her favorite chocolate. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into the sofa, totally exhausted.

He looked at his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being 28 again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed, ‘I meant my waist size, u idiot !!!"
☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀

Imagination of Husband

Imagination of Husband

Husband: Last night, in your sleep, you were using abusive language against me.

Wife: That was your imagination.

Husband: What imagination?

Wife: That I was asleep.

The School Report Card

The School Report Card

I came home from work.
Was tired. Sat down on the sofa. Put my feet up.

Wife brought me a glass of water.

Son gave me a sheet of paper.
English - 17/100
BM - 35/100
Maths - 40/100
Physics - 37/100
Chemistry - 42/100

I lost my temper
😤😤😤😡😡😡
"What is this?
All the time on phone and TV.
How dare you show me such marks?"
😡😡😡

Wife said: "Be patient. Listen...."

I told her:
"Shut up. It's your love and pampering that has spoilt him. He is no good."

Wife said: "Oh. Really?"

I said:
"No one in our family has performed so badly ever."

Son said:
"Dad. I was cleaning the old cupboard and I found this."
"This is your old school report card."
😂😂😂

The Married man in a Salon

The Married man in a Salon

A lady went to a salon to dress her hair.

While dressing her hair, she noticed a handsome man sitting quietly in the shop.

Suddenly the lady turned to the man and said Mr.,
you are so handsome can we meet later today?

Man replied 'I'm married'.

The woman continued; "and so?
You can just tell your wife you're going to visit a friend in the hospital and from there"......

and the man replied;
"Tell her yourself, she's the one dressing your hair".
😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

Medico legal jokes of the day

Medico legal jokes of the day

A recent article in the Times reported that a woman,
Anita Patel, has sued a reputed Hospital,
saying that after her husband had surgery there,
he lost all interest in me.

A hospital spokesman replied in court:
Mr. Patel was admitted for cataract surgery.
All we did was corrected his eyesight.

Worth of Husband

WORTH OF HUSBAND

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
Sophie asks a taxi driver:
"How much does it cost to take me to the airport?"
- 250 bucks

"What if we take my husband too?"
- Same 250 bucks.

Sophie turns to John:
-Haven’t I told you, you are actually worthless...??
😝😝🤣🤣😝😝🤣🤣

God grants one wish to man in Goa

A man walking along a Goa beach was deep in prayer.

Suddenly, the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,
“Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”

The man said, “Build a bridge to Mumbai so I can drive over anytime I want.”

The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me.”

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”

The Lord replied, “You want 2 lanes or 4 lanes on that bridge?”

Just another reason to divorce !

Just another reason to divorce !

Man: I want to divorce my wife.

Lawyer: What is the reason?

Man: She stays out of the home all night, every night, going from bar to bar.

Lawyer: Is she cheating or has she become an alcoholic?

Man: She is searching for me!

The Crocodile Farm

The Crocodile Farm

When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a daring proposal;
-Whoever dares to jump, swim to shore and survive, I will give 1 million dollars.

Nobody dared to move, suddenly a man jumped into the water and desperately swam towards the shore while he was chased by all the crocodiles.

With great luck he arrived, taking the admiration of everyone in the place, then the owner announced;
-We have a brave winner.

After collecting their reward, the couple returned to the hotel, upon arrival, the manager told him;
he was very brave to jump,
then the man said;
-I didn't jump, someone pushed me!

His wife smiled ...

Moral: "Behind every successful man, there is a woman who pushes him."

20 Years of Marriage !

20 Years of Marriage !

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee...
'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room.

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.
'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.
'Do you remember when your father caught us in my car?'

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said:
'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...
"I would have been released today..!!!"
😂😂😂
😝😝😂😂😁

A pretty woman or an intelligent woman

A pretty woman or an intelligent woman

I thought my wife was testing me when she said....
"Which do you prefer,
A pretty woman or an intelligent woman?"

So I replied..
"Neither of them,
I prefer you"

The Perfect Couple

The Perfect Couple

Husband: I should have married a sensible woman.
Wife: A sensible woman will NEVER marry you.
Husband: Exactly! That’s all I wanted to prove!

A man and a woman having romantic dinner

😅 🙋🏻‍♂️
A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant.

They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.

The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair and under the table but the man stared straight ahead.

The waitress watched as the woman slid all the way down her chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the man stared straight ahead.
The waitress, thinking this behavior a bit risque and worried that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the man: "Pardon me, sir, but I think your wife just slid under the table."

Man replied: "Naah.. She just arrived in the restaurant..!" 😂😂🤣

Mercedes for Sale at $1

Mercedes for Sale @ $1
Someone put up this advertisement.
No one believed it, but one old man responded and went to see the car.
The Lady actually sold him a Mercedes, which had done just 12,000 kms, for $1.
She handed him the papers and the Car keys. Deal done.
As the old man was leaving, he said I would die of suspense if you don't tell me why this car was sold so cheap?
The Lady replied ....
I am just fulfilling the will of my deceased husband, where all money received from sale of his Mercedes would go to his Secretary ...

Wives are wives ....
😷😷

Difference between Wife and Girlfriend

Difference between Wife and Girlfriend

A grandson, notices his grandpa looked rather tense so to break the ice, he asks his grandpa one question while on the way back from school....

What is the difference between 'Wife' and 'Girlfriend?'

Grandpa thought for a minute and Simplified the explanation like this ;

Listen Son ,

Wife is like a TV and Girlfriend is like a MOBILE.

At home  you watch TV,
but when you go out you take your MOBILE.

Sometimes you enjoy TV, but most of the time, you play with your MOBILE!!!

TV is (as good as) free for life, but for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated.

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old,
But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy, replaceable and portable.

Operational costs for TV is often acceptable
but for the MOBILE, it is often high and demanding.

TV has a remote
but MOBILE doesn't.

Most importantly, MOBILE is a two-way communication (you talk and listen), but with the TV, you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not)!😝

Last but not least!
Yet TVs are superior because TVs don't have viruses, but MOBILES often do😂

And mobiles can be easily hacked or stolen.

Take Care
Stick to TV only
Issued in Public interest!
😃😂😄