HRD Notice to Employees during recession

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HRD Notice of a Company to its employees during recession time:

Dear staff, please be advised that these are NEW rules implemented to raise efficiency of our firm:

1) TRANSPORTATION:
It is advised that you come to work driving a car as per your salary.
a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are well financially and hence you do not need a salary rise.
b) If u drive a 10 year old car or taking public trpt, we assume you must have lots of saving hence u do not need a salary rise.

2) ANNUAL LEAVE DAYS:
Each employees will receive 52 days leave annually. They are called Sundays.

3) SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor medical certificate as proof of sickness. - If u are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to office.

4) SURGERY:
As long as you are an employee here, you need all ur organs.
- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

5) LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch; Normal size people get 15 minutes; and Fat people get 5 minutes.

6) TOILET USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets:
a) There is now a strict 5 minutes time limit in the cubicles.
b) At the end of 5 minutes an alarm will sound, door will be open and a picture will be taken.
c) After ur second offence, ur picture will be posted in company's notice board.

Thank you for ur loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
- HRD Manager.
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